The House Fairy

The House Fairy is a reward system we've been using in our home since my daughter was about 2.  Inspired by Fly Lady (another bandwagon I have unfortunately since fallen off), it focuses on the positive and has an element of magic and mystery. As the House Fairy was part of our lives when my son was born, we carried on the system with him, and he accepted it as normal. You may want to tweak it for your children: feel free. This is a long-term reward system to be used until your children grow out of it. As you can see in the photo, DD is pretty keen on dressing up as said House Fairy, and accepts the system as completely normal.If you have a partner it is important that he or she backs you up on this and joins in. Believing in the House Fairy is like believing in the Tooth Fairy. They are, incidentally, sisters.

1. You need a reward chart. Make your own or download one for free. I get mine from Bubhub, or  ichild for free. Supernanny is of course famed for her reward chart system. It is important to choose a chart that will be easy enough for your child to fill over a reasonable period of time. Younger toddlers will probably need fewer spaces to be filled so they don't get demotivated. If your child likes art and craft, s/he can make the chart with you or colour it in.

2. You need stickers. Any old stickers. As long as they fit in the spaces. Don't tie yourself down to always buying Disney princess stickers, as you will then ALWAYS have to use them. Vary it. Keep the stickers out of reach.

3. Decide what a sticker is worth. This will change over time. For example, when potty training, every time a child uses the potty they get a sticker for the chart. Or they get a sticker for getting themselves dressed. Or for playing together really nicely with no arguments. Or for sleeping all night without getting out of bed.

What I tend to do is reward the behaviour without them expecting it. I don't say "IF you help put the cutlery away, THEN you will get a sticker for your chart." I tend to say "Oh wow, you helped me really well with the knives and forks. Here is a sticker." Or "You were so sensible when we waited for the ballet lesson to finish. You get a sticker for that." This way, they are not behaving well JUST so they get a reward.

You CANNOT take stickers off the chart. You only give one sticker for a reward. If they get a sticker for doing well at school or nursery, they can bring it home and put it on their chart.

4. When they have a full chart, they take it down off the wall and put it by their bed. Or outside the bedroom door, or in a box outside the front door (if your child doesn't like the idea of fairies coming into the house!).

In the morning, the chart will have been taken away by the House Fairy, and a small present will be left in its place. The kind of things our House Fairy leaves are: a book, hair accessories, a train whistle, stickers, a top, a toy train or car, socks, a notebook, a comic. Nice things but not expensive. I often get them from freecycle or charity shops! Remember you are in this for the long haul so don't set yourself up to buying huge gifts every fortnight.

It is important to ensure that the full chart is securely disposed of and the children don't see you buying things that are later given to them by the House Fairy. The great thing is that because the House Fairy brings the gift, it is nothing to do with you, and the kids can't moan at you that they don't like the present etc.


The House Fairy has been visiting us for about three years now, so if you have any questions, let me know. If you are looking for a long-term sustainable reward system, why not give this one a try? Tell your kids you read about it on the internet and you want to see if it is true!