Today's challenge: Ask for Help

Do you dare ask for help? Are you brave enough? Do you even know how to ask, or what would actually be helpful?

I didn't.

Despite being diagnosed with PND shortly after my son was born, and clearly needing help, I found it almost impossible to ask for what I wanted. "Is there anything I can do to help?" my mum would ask, and my mind would go blank. "Let me know if you need anything," friends would offer, but I never did.

Often we don't sit down and really think about what we want and need, as we are too busy paying heed to everyone else's requirements. Sometimes visitors think they're being helpful by tackling the pile of ironing or washing up, when what we really want is a break from the kids, not the housework. At least the hoover doesn't answer back!

Sometimes, it is hard to ask directly. We don't want to seem needy, inadequate, nagging. We never seem to be able to find the right moment. Many of us have been brought up that it's rude to say "I want". But if we don't ask for help, how can anyone give us what we need? Men, in particular, are not mind-readers.

So my challenge to my fellow mums is to write a list of ten things that would actually be helpful to you. Think about what people - your partner, your relatives, whoever -  can do to make life easier for you. I know you can "manage", but to do more than  simply exist and survive you deserve support. And instead of keeping it to yourself, blu-tak it up in the kitchen. Give yourself permission to ask.

Some of the things on my list are:
I need lots of gentle hugs, pats, strokes, cuddles and any gentle physical contact you can. I am a touchy-feely person.
Arrange babysitters in the evenings or at weekends as much as possible, as I find it difficult to ask.
If you are a visitor and want to help, the best thing is for you to take the children out for several hours, or for you to entertain them at home while I can rest or go out.
Arrange to take the children out some times, say Saturday mornings, and suggest I spend the time doing something just for me. A long bath, a massage, a hair appointment or you stay in with the children and encourage me to go out.


You may be surprised at what you actually want help with, and what you really need.  Go on: ask for help. And let me know how you get on.