Courtesy of Secundus, our resident inventor, here are some (paraphrased) tips for making your own beetle shelter out of junk while your sister is doing handstands and your mum is in the kitchen.
1. Make sure you choose a site for your insect home which will not be disturbed by roofers requiring access to the timber your parents have just bought.
2. Collect all the junk you can find in your garden and ask for a bag or box to put it in so you can transport it through the house to the (relatively) tranquil front garden. I chose: earth, old nails, blocks of wood, plastic flower pots, broken slates and slivers of wood. Most of these made it through the house without spilling.
3. Assemble the residence, paying attention to the woodlice's leisure requirements, access, security and food preparation. If your mum is keen on DIY and has time, she will probably make a "picket fence" by bashing some nails into the main block of wood.
4. Consider the woodlice's reaction should a cat enter the garden. I created two emergency refuges (upturned flower pots) which can be accessed through the holes, and which contain rations and sleeping quarters.
5. Go and watch Scooby Doo re-runs while the woodlice move in.