Mumtopia

The End

2010-12-22T13:36:00.000-08:00

I'm taking a break from blogging, gang. I'm finder it more difficult to justify the time that it takes, and it has become more of a burden than a pleasure. After a nasty comment on one of my other blogs, I began to feel a little vulnerable, and perhaps it's now time to close some of the doors I have very publically opened. It's been a journey of about two years and I hope you've enjoyed the view. Thanks for reading,
Alison Bayne

Calming Down at Bedtime

2010-11-09T06:05:00.000-08:00

The descent begins at about 3.30, I suppose. Sometimes I want it to rain during the school run, as that means I can keep Secundus in his pushchair and march along through the puddles, unencumbered.

If it isn't raining, it usually will have been at some point in the day, and there are plenty of wet places for Secundus to drag the bottoms of his trousers through. Being in the buggy prevents him from going on strike half-way to school and lying down on the pavement, silently, with mournful eyes, until I have to carry him the rest of the way over my shoulder. So rain is good.

We get to school and hang about for Prima to emerge, usually carrying her coat, wellies, three drawings, a water bottle, a letter for parents and an empty book bag. During the walk home we debate the purchasing of goodies from the baker's (always a no unless it is Friday), whether they can watch telly for the next three hours, and why so-and-so isn't so-and-so's friend any more. By the time we get back, one of us usually has wet feet, wet hair or wet pants. Sometimes the front door key sticks, sending Prima into a panic and increasing her need for the toilet fivefold.

Clattering in past the array of vast shoes, a bag of magazines for recycling and two crates of Hobgoblin, coats are discarded, bringing about the first of many requests to be reluctantly met that afternoon. Drinks are ordered. Snacks are prepared and eaten (apart from the crusts), alleviating the cries of "I'm hungry" for around thirty minutes.

The television debate begins - what to watch, how long for, where to sit etc etc. I catch up on emails, drink several coffees in quick succession and begin cooking tea, having set the dishwasher and hung more washing out on our Victorian-style airer. I go in to the front room periodically, to see how glazed-over their eyes are; it happens quite quickly if Ivor the Engine is on.

Sometimes I succeed in coaxing them away from the television. Prima loves listening to audiobooks and is often content to do anything or nothing as long as she can listen to Enid Blyton's The Mystery of Rat-a-Tat House. I would choose music every time, but her daddy is a Radio 4 addict, so I guess it comes from there. Her latest craze is making books such as "Songs and Rimes for Baybes". Secundus, always keen to watch anything on telly, will frequently deign to play Cbeebies computer games (I kid myself it's less passive) if "the television doesn't work anymore".

We all eat tea together when my OH comes home, usually in a fairly heroic, "I've done a day's work" manner. Most times I'll have actually cooked something but there are occasions when he's had to walk in and pick up a saucepan as soon as he's taken his shoes off. At least now I have an ally during the negotiations at the table, namely "Eating your Food", "Sitting on your Chair", "Who Needs the Toilet?", "Not lying under the Table", and "The Promise of Pudding".

I don't know what we do after tea, really, it just seems to go. Sometimes I'll wash up and we'll dance to such classics as Deee-lite's Groove Is In The Heart whilst clearing the table. Or my OH will spend a while in the front room with the kids, playing throwing games (throwing the kids), monsters, pirate, circus skills. Maybe Prima will read her book from school.

Depending on the injuries sustained during the games and the level of arguing and whining, bathtime is usually at about 7.00, often culminating in dramatic assertions from nearly six-year-old Prima that she is "Too tired" and "Can't Get Out of the Bath", "Can't get Dry" and "Can't get her Jamas on" and "Will Not Be Our Friend". Beginning the bedtime story (currently The Children of Cherry Tree Farm) in her absence usually convinces her to regain her skills.

By the time bedtime arrives, I don't know who is more frazzled. I have to work hard to stay patient and try to keep the atmosphere calm. Secundus loves listening to me sing so that's a good way to wind down, taking deep breaths and going through my repertoire of songs from the shows or from my childhood (think Goodbye Yellow Brick Road and The Only Living Boy in New York).

Prima is keen to join in and make up her own verses which can become rather epic, so we have discovered that CDs, such as those in the Magical Meditations for Kids range (Diviniti Publishing Ltd) are a good way to settle her down. Often I'll lie next to her on the bed and we'll both benefit from the chance to breathe deeply and slowly, perhaps for the first time that day, following a guided meditation. It only takes one track and we'll have been up in space or tried out a magic carpet, ventured to the end of the rainbow or met an angel.
You can listen to sample tracks here.

from £10.95

Switching off like this puts us both in a more positive frame of mind, whatever the day has held, it helps us to use our imaginations and it teaches us ways to cope with feelings of frustration or tiredness. I hope it'll give Prima a head-start in staying calm and positive, as anxiety and insomnia were major issues for me as a child, and negative was my default setting. It's good to practise dealing with stressful situations and handling mixed emotions together - and it's never too early or too late to learn.

To mop or to mope?

2010-10-10T13:22:00.000-07:00

You know how many times I've fallen off the Fly Lady bandwagon. Don't get me started on How to be the Perfect Housewife. A shiny spirit is more important than a shiny sink, but can you kill two birds with one stone? Can you turn housework into something that's good for your soul? Ben Bushill, author of The Transformation of Housework (Capall Bann Publishing, £8.95), thinks so; inspired by his pioneering book, here are ten ways to bring spirituality into housework!

1. "Let go of your negative feelings as you let go of your rubbish," says Ben. Making the connection between the yucky stuff in your bin and the ugly stuff in your life, try saying "I throw away all feelings of ...(shame, guilt, regret etc), right now" as you put the bins out.

2. Instead of detesting the washing-up, see it as a chance to mess about with water and bubbles. Put on a bit of hand-lotion, don your Marigolds; "this is a chance to soothe your hands and your whole body...with water therapy" grins Ben.

3. With "horrible" jobs, such as cleaning "stinking, damp" cupboards, says Ben, "it is the starting that is difficult, it is the idea of having to do something that seems so nasty that makes the job difficult." But just make a start! "Once you actually get going at it and stop thinking, the revulsion fades".

4. Faced with mouldy grout, or a blocked sink, connect the task to yourself. "If you can feel that you are cleansing part of yourself, then suddenly the job is more worthwhile," explains Ben. Before you start, "reflect on something that is mouldy inside of you, either physically or emotionally. If you have any aches and pains in your body, take a few seconds to tune into them...As you wipe away the dirt, feel your self cleaned and your body becoming fresher."

5. Julia Day, in Patchwork of Magic, suggests that if life's become dull and dingy, "give the windows a good clean and concentrate on all the light pouring into your life."

6.When you're scrubbing the walls and floor and have dirty water to pour away, Julia says "as the black water flows down the drain, think of all the bad things leaving your life."

7. Instead of thinking about how resentful you feel, as you tidy away the sippy cups, lego, assorted hair accessories, dinosaurs and six pairs of your husband's shoes, focus on how organised your life is becoming. It's mind over matter!

8. Decide to enjoy a task. If playing a CD in the background or sharing housework with a friend helps, do that! Change your attitude so that what you are doing becomes "a positive experience, rather than an exercise in resentment and grumpiness." When peeling potatoes for example, decide to relax your shoulders and let yourself sink down into your feet. "Let a feeling of stillness and energy fill your body," suggests Ben; be open to calm and enjoyment.

9. See the link between the grimiest parts of our houses and the darker sides of ourselves, neither which we want to look at. You can release your negative feelings as you deal with the dirt and mess. "When we can accept the darkest parts of our houses, then we are halfway" says Ben, "to accepting the darkest parts of ourselves."

10. "If we learn anything from our housework, from the never-ending cycle of chores," says Ben, "then it is that nothing is permanent, nothing stays clean." This might be seen as a bad thing but it means that everything passes, however dire things seem, "your negative feelings will change."

2010-09-17T10:33:00.001-07:00

Mumtopia Supports Women in Business #2 : Magenta

2010-09-09T13:47:00.000-07:00

Welcome to the second in a series celebrating women who run their own businesses. In this series, Mumtopia is pleased to encourage you to Sock It To The Man by supporting small businesses, not large corporations, and buying locally rather than from multinationals.

Magenta is one such business, creating beautiful and empowering new age products by hand. Middlesex-based Magenta has been selling her new age products on a very small scale in a couple of local shops but has now launched her new website. Visiting the Magenta website http://www.new-age-web.com/ is like walking into the home of a wise and caring friend. You can tell Magenta is not only experienced in her palmistry and Celtic astrology work but is also dedicated to treating her customers as individuals. I can imagine that her Tarot workshops and Psychic parties must be enlightening and very popular.

Magenta's friendly website is only the beginning. When my parcel of goodies arrived, I was struck by her attention to detail and how clear it was that each item had been made individually, with care and flair. Even the labels are hand-written. No mass production line here, and many of the herbs and flowers used are grown in Magenta's own garden.

Magenta's Simmering Pot Pourri, £3.75, which has been especially blended for simmering in hot water either in an oil burner or in a saucepan was the first of my goodies. As Autumn can often be a difficult time for me, echoing the return to school, the approach of my birthday and the clocks going back, I decided to chose her Autumn blend to help clear my negative associations with the season. Other blends available include new home/ love/ health & healing/ yule/ relaxing/ energising/ clearing negativity/meditation. Autumn is truly divine.

My daughter admired the earrings Magenta sent me, from her Gothic range of jewellery. "They make me think of Mulan" she decided (this, I stress, is A Good Thing). The Gothic range, which includes earrings, necklaces, bracelets and anklets, is made with chunky antique silver-finish metal and black resin beads, and is delicate, dark and mysterious. Starting at £4.95, each piece is hand-made and every one is made up slightly differently; it feels great to know that my earrings are unique.

If your friends have something to celebrate, whether it be an engagement, work success, a new addition to the family, or a new home, Magenta's greetings cards are a beautiful and meaningful gift, with lovely personal finishing touches and containing special blessings. The cards come with full instructions and everything you need to activate the power of the blessing.

Magenta makes all her products with love and positive intention, and this shines through the items themselves. If you're a new age enthusiast, think small-scale, think hand-crafted, think made in England: think Magenta.

Next week's Menu Chez Bayne

2010-08-31T13:43:00.000-07:00

Monday :
Breakfast - cereal
Lunch - cheddar cheese ploughman's
Dinner - Homemade sausage rolls

Tuesday
Breakfast - toast and jam
Lunch - grated carrot and hummus pitta
Dinner - Tortilla

Wednesday
Breakfast - Scrambled eggs on toast
Lunch - Toasted sandwich
Dinner - Veg spag bol

Thursday
Breakfast - Porridge with fruit
Lunch - Homemade soup
Dinner - Homemade burger with salsa, salad and wedges

Friday
Breakfast - Beans on Toast
Lunch - Bagel
Dinner - Homemade curry and homemade naan

Saturday
Breakfast - cooked breakfast
Lunch - that's as far as I've got for now!

Cheap, Quick and Easy - and heading to your table!

2010-08-24T08:17:00.000-07:00

When I first left home I hadn't a clue in the kitchen. I mainly ate cheese sandwiches. For vitamins I ate tinned Heinz Tomato Soup. Sometimes I had Weetabix and sultanas, but mainly cheese sandwiches. Things got worse when I became a vegetarian, because I don't like fruit, and I cut out fish too.

Tempted back by an ex-boyfriend's bacon sandwiches in 1998, I am now an omnivore and marginally better at cooking. I can do a mean curry with the help of Lloyd Grossman, but I'm always stuck for inspiration, especially by the end of the week when the cupboards are barer than usual and I'm more worn out than is typical. I am not one of those people that can dream up fantastic dishes - a cookery book is a must. When Foulsham sent me The Classic 1000 Quick and Easy Recipes (£7.99), I thought it would be a nice change from my battered copy of Vegetarian Grub on A Grant. And with its promise that everything will be on the table in half an hour, Carolyn Humphries' collection of 1000 quick and easy recipes was appealing.

I'm sure none of you reading this are as bad in the kitchen as I am. I can even get fishfingers wrong. But in the spirit of adventure and frugality, I am planning a week's worth of menu's from the above-mentioned-tome. I have two adults and two children to feed chez Bayne, no food allergies and fairly broad tastes, but we have got a bit stuck in a gastronomie rut of late. Ingredients and instructions will be included, all adapted from the book. Why not join in and let me know how you get on?

More soon!

An Eco-Worrier's Budget

2010-08-18T07:03:00.000-07:00

I'm finding it hard to achieve a balance between the Ying that is fairtrade, locally sourced, organic produce, and the Yang that is BOGOF, rock bottom prices and money-off coupons.

Since growing up outside a small Midlands town where jumble sales were a major event and it was a mile's walk to the nearest bus stop, I have always loved a bargain. Discounts, sales, free gifts, Ebay, Home Bargains, Asda Smartprice - bring 'em on. I enjoy the challenge of living frugally and making my money go further.

Yet the more ethical, Mother Earth-loving, eco-worrier is uneasy with this kind of consumption. While I'm saving pennies, who is losing out? Who made the things I'm buying? Who profits? If I don't try to live more ethically, I can't moan about the state of the world. I have to set an example to my children, so I need to put my money where my mouth is.

But, we're a one income family, with two children. It's so hard to buy eco-products and organic food when they cost much more than their bargainous counterparts. On the one hand our bank balance is saying we can't afford to live a truly green lifestyle; on the other hand, the planet is depending on everyone to do just that.

"The main way we can care for the earth is by using less of its precious resources", says Marie Sherlock, in her book Living Simply With Children. Here are my tips for living ethically on a budget; I hope they'll inspire you.

BANKING. When NatWest, with whom I've banked for over a decade, wrote to me to let me know they were no longer offering any interest on my current account balance, I suddenly lost interest in them. It doesn't cost anything to switch bank accounts, although it does take several weeks, so you need to prepare for the change over. I am in the process of switching to the far more ethical Co-op bank. It doesn't matter if you don't have a Co-op bank branch near you, you can use the Post Office or the internet to manage your account.

SUPERMARKET. I am still stuck in the supermarket habit but have recently changed from Sainsburys to Waitrose. This is something I truly felt we couldn't afford to do. However, I was keen to support the John Lewis Partnership's ethics (Waitrose is part of John Lewis). Instead of having shareholders, the Partnership is owned beneficially by its employees; Waitrose believes that "the long-term future of the Partnership is best served by respecting the interests of all our stakeholders: Partners, customers, suppliers and the wider community. We look actively for opportunities to improve the environment and to contribute to the wellbeing of the communities in which we trade."

I have found that by shopping online each week, I have managed to spend about £25 less per week than I was spending when I pushed my trolley round Sainsburys. This is partly because Waitrose's least expensive range (Waitrose Essentials) is such good value, but also because I can keep an eye on what I'm spending, it's easier to stick to the list, and there's no clothing range to tempt me. With Waitrose Delivers, delivery is free when you spend over £50, and they often offer discounts to loyal customers.

DOUBLE-UP. Look for natural, ethical and eco-friendly products that have several uses, instead of buying lots of different items. Weleda's Calendula Shampoo and Body Wash is one such example. It'll save you buying a shampoo and a separate shower gel for a start. And although it's been dermatologically tested on infant skin prone to eczema and dermatitis, Weleda's Calendula range is perfect for adults too. So there's no need to buy separate products for each member of the family. What I especially like is the natural fragrance - it doesn't smell like a baby product. There's a fresh, lavender top-note, an underlying fruitiness, and a floral base that leaves hair and body deliciously fragrant, cleansed and soothed.

DON'T SHOP. Make sure you and your kids have better things to do than go shopping. Going round the shops and spending money can become a treat or a hobby, when in fact it is just consumption. The high street is designed to make you feel special, guilty, inferior, superior, indignant - whatever it takes to get you to open your purse. So comparison-shop, get at least three quotes, and buy on-line whenever you can.

For example, I wanted some frankincense recently, for a religious ritual. Firstly, I knew it would be expensive, otherwise it wouldn't have been chosen by the Three Wise Men, right? Secondly, I knew joss sticks would suffice. I was then tempted to head into town, looking for a store that would stock the right type. I knew this would involve visiting a number of shops, all of which would have appealing products. I don't get a chance to shop on my own very often and I knew the browsing would make me want to spend up. Instead, I searched on Ebay, and bought 20 frankincense joss sticks. Total cost? £1.19 inc p&p. Less than the bus fare into town.

SWITCH. The money you save by using comparison sites to get the best deal on insurance, utility bills and so on, can be spent more ethically. Saving over £400 recently by using http://www.moneysupermarket.com/ to switch my home, contents and car insurance providers, means that I have £400 extra to spend on eco-versions of the groceries etc that I'd normally buy.

BUY USED. If your self-image does not depend on the type and quantity of possession you have, then you can handle buying second-hand. It's a great ego-state, very liberating - and cheap! Books, CDs, DVDs, clothes, bedding, furniture, cars, bikes, toys; none of them have to be new. If I can't find an item I want second-hand on Ebay, freecycle, amazon or local charity shops, I take that as a sign that I need to reconsider whether I really need it.

Today's Challenge - Blow Your Own Trumpet

2010-08-13T06:54:00.000-07:00

When you're a mum, you never get a pay rise, a bonus or a promotion. You don't get much recognition, and it's hard to ask for praise or thanks, even if you'd like them. We don't want to show off to our friends but sometimes we do manage to do things that make us feel good, as mothers or women. I find it easier to be open about my failings than about my successes. It is perhaps an English thing.

I want to encourage all Mumtopia's readers to blow their own trumpets today. Whatever your week has been like, you will have achieved something, even if it doesn't feel like it.

Here are my achievements this week so far:

I took my kids swimming on my own.
I planted a silver birch tree to offset my carbon footprint.
I made a cottage pie from scratch and the whole family ate it.
I didn't start smoking.
I went to the gym a couple of times.
At counselling I made a lot of progress, which was painful but essential.
I joined a more ethical bank.

Share your achievements here - big or small - by leaving a comment, and we can all give you a round of applause.

Skincare to Go

2010-08-12T12:57:00.000-07:00

I'm not advocating lipstick application at the wheel, but if your house is anything like mine in the mornings, you too need products that multi-task and get the job done quickly. I can't be the only person who finds herself putting the kids' shoes on, looking for her keys and cleaning her teeth at the same time. So here's a run-down for my fellow run-down mums: time-saving skincare.

You know what a boon baby wipes are, well I'd say the same for your skin. Cleansing wipes really come into their own when you are pushed for time, as you can walk round the house, badgering the kids to get dressed or eat breakfast, whilst washing your face. Simple's Radiance Brightening wipes cleanse and gently exfoliate the skin, and contain mango extract, a skin-loving nutrient. For mums like me, who have problem skin, Simple's new Spotless Skin Quick Fix wipes contain zinc and chamomile for visibly clearer skin. They even remove waterproof mascara. Cleanse and tone in one step, with no unnecessary or harsh chemicals.
One of my favourite products is a winner with many mums - Nivea Soft intensive moisturising cream. What I love about it is that you can use Nivea Soft on your face, body and hands, so there's no need to buy three different creams. It's quickly absorbed and a really useful addition to your handbag. Just one product to apply instead of three.
For spot treatment on the go, I recommend Witch Naturally Clear Blemish Stick. You can dab on this bacteria-fighting stick as often as required, as soon as blemishes first appear. Simple's Spotless Skin Rapid Action Spot Zapper is tough on spots but gentle on your skin, with results in only 4 hours. Keep one of these in your bag so you can tackle spots quickly and effectively.
Instead of moisturising and then applying perfume, why not use a body cream that you love the smell of. My favourite at the moment is Coconut Ice Cream by N-Spa, which is gorgeous and just SHOUTS summertime for me. It does a great job and there's no need for perfume. You might also like Superdrug's Blueberry and Smoothie body butter from their I Love... range. Two products for the price of one!
I know that slices of cucumber or cooled down tea-bags are great pick-me-ups for puffy eyes, but who has the time to do that? You can reduce puffiness with Simple's refreshing eye gel which is formulated with cucumber extract, and comes in a rollerball. Kind to Eyes Revitalising Roll-on is easy to apply and suitable for even sensitive skin.
Still on the subject of eyes, eye make-up remover pads are great for when you're too tired to bother with cotton wool and lotion (or in my case, had one pint too many on a rare night out). The ones I use at the moment are new from Simple, in their Radiance Brightening range. They are gentle but effective, although I still look hungover in the morning...

A New Thing That Works

2010-08-01T13:22:00.000-07:00

Week two of the holidays is about to begin. Take heart, they're back to school next month.

This is a new tantrum-stopper I thought of on Thursday, which you might like to try.

Scenario: Child A is whining because she wants to watch TV/
Child B is crying because his half-hour computer time is up/
Child A is shouting that she has been hit on the head with a skittle (no witnesses) and is determined to wreak revenge/
Child B is slamming metal cars into your foot despite your having asked several times not to/
all of the above.

That kind of thing.

You need: a timer. I use the buzzer on the cooker. I suppose you could use your watch or phone or an egg timer, but it is best if it emits an alarm of some kind when time's up.

First, whatever you normally do, like a warning that the unwanted behaviour is to stop.

Second "Okay, I'm setting the timer. You have got one minute (or however many minutes you think it'll take to get them to calm down ). Then the buzzer will go off. If you haven't stopped making a fuss/ shouting "poo poo face Mummy"/ kicking the underside of the table by the time the buzzer goes off, you have to go to your room (or the naughty step or whatever you do). "

Third, set the timer and ensure it is out of reach but within earshot.

Fourth, go and do something else, like you don't care.

The timer goes off. The child has usually stopped acting up by this point. If not, do what you threatened to do.

Repeat to fade.

Mumtopia Supports Women in Business #1: Calicocow

2010-07-20T12:52:00.000-07:00

Welcome to the first in a series celebrating women who run their own businesses. In this series, Mumtopia is pleased to encourage you to Sock It To The Man by supporting small businesses, not large corporations, and buying locally rather than from multinationals.

CalicoCow is one such business, creating quirky textile canvasses hand-made by Jane, of A.Jay P.Designs, that can be customised and personalised to match the occasion - whether it be a new arrival, an anniversary or a wedding (or simply the decor). Visiting Jane's website is like browsing through a textile gallery, with the added bonus of being able to buy from your armchair. Just when you think you've made up your mind to go for the Farm Felt Hangings, you spot a Patchwork Zoo Set - and the whole decision-making process starts again.

What struck me when I first encountered CalicoCow was the wide range of designs that Jane has created. Far beyond the more traditional cross-stitch sampler-style, these are pieces that are at-home with modern decor, yet have a certain welcome familiarity and nostalgia. I'm particularly thinking of the BEEP BEEP range, which started because of Jane's love of old cars. "It's in the blood thanks to my Dad and brother, who have both owned pre-1965 MGs", she says. "I've gone really retro with my car designs using a mixture of felt, paint and stitching. I love the distinctive look, and they're great for personalising with a number plate." The boy in your life is sure to love the E-type jags, the Beetles, and - for the hippy at heart - the cool camper vans.

Most of Jane's canvasses can be personalised with names, dates, or - for the numerologists amongst us - special numbers. Her best-sellers are her name canvasses which can be personalised with a choice of four icons: boat, butterfly, car, or flower. Textile art has of course been around for centuries - we all know of the Bayeux Tapestry - but CalicoCow designs take this ancient craft and add a modern twist. A case in point is the new version of bunting that Jane's working on: monkey chains. Jane can do these in most colours and they come in packs of five for around £20; they'll be on sale in the next fortnight. "As you can see," she grins, "they get the cat's seal of approval!"

Whilst there's plenty for kids in the YOUNG ONES section, for those of us who prefer not to act our shoe size, the ALL GROWN UP range is full of designs created using natural fabrics, hand-made felt, and lots of hand stitching, such as the popular Denim Teal canvas which has bleached denim flowers stitched onto to a background, and then individually-created felt flowers stitched onto them. Depending on the colours Jane wants, she uses wool felt or makes her own. Building up the colour matches and layers, combining hand- and machine-stitching is a labour of love, but it seems that Jane just has to create: "Most of my ideas are whirling around my head and I just have to try and get them out." As well as the delicate nature-inspired wall panels in this range, my particular favourites are the corset wall canvasses. The tiny stitching, attention to detail, beautiful colour and fabric combinations, and bead embellishments which make up these unashamedly feminine creations make them a perfect addition to any boudoir. They deserve pride of place in your bedroom and are sure to help unleash your inner Aphrodite.

Check out CalicoCow here, and - if you can't quite find what you're looking for - contact Jane and she'll happily see what she can do. Individually commissioned art from £15 - £100: that's CalicoCow.

Ticking the Soul Box

2010-07-17T07:59:00.000-07:00

There are a lot of boxes to tick, as a mother, aren't there? Apart from long-term goals for women held by society, such as Return to Pre-pregnancy Figure and Have Glorious High-flying Career, I wonder what your To Do List looks like, if you have time to actually write it down?

This is my current To Do List

Put lots more stuff on Ebay
Put washing away
~~Do recycling~~
~~Change M's sheets~~
~~Put the bins out~~
Vacuum everywhere
Mop bathroom floor
Clean kitchen floor
Clean mirrors and doors
Dust
~~Sort out car insurance~~
~~Clean bathroom~~
Sort out switching gas and electric
Sort out switching phone and broadband
~~Write card for M's School Buddy~~

As you can see, I really should be doing housework while DH and the kids are at the open air screening of How to Tame Your Dragon, but no, I am Working. Really.

Anyway, note, on the above To Do list, that none of the activities listed are exactly what you'd call Fun. Or Pampering. Re-shape eyebrows is not listed. Neither is Do Nails. And certainly, if easy little things like that don't get a look-in during my day, then what about more challenging or uplifting tasks, like self-development and spirituality? When do I take time for my soul?

I can see the attraction of leaving it all til Sunday and going to church to fulfill your spiritual quota, and, if that meets your needs, that's fine. But I want my spiritual life and my normal, everyday peeling-potatoes life to combine, not be separate, and this is reflected in my interest in Wicca. From an emotional point of view, I attend a counselling session once a week, which goes a long to helping me heal and become more self-aware, and I've always got a self-help book on the go, but finding time for deeper thought and practice has been difficult.

What I've decided is that I need to be able to meditate wherever I am, not wait for the perfect moment of stillness in my (non-existent) shrine. I am beginning this at home, as that's where I spend a lot of time. Today I played a mid-morning meditation track from Guided Meditations Gold, while washing up, followed by one to increase motivation and inspiration from the same CD. It worked well, and was worth doing.

I have often tried to do Zen Housework as I call it, when you try to be in the moment and mindful during mundane tasks, but emptying my mind sufficiently is challenging. Guided meditations give you something to focus on so you don't start mentally recalling what you need to buy at Sainsburys half-way through, and this double album has tracks to play at different times of the day, as well as for specific sitatuations, like preparing for a job interview or healing a migraine.

It's crucial for me to begin incorporating different approaches to spiritual work into my daily life, as I'm such an All or Nothing person that if I don't settle for a compromise to my Zen Master attitude to meditation, I'll never do any at all. I just need to remind myself that with meditation, like so many things, only practice makes perfect. It's also worth noting that music can help me reduce my stress levels so it's a good idea to play relaxing pieces at potentially tempestuous times, and to use music to create the kind of ambiance you want in your home. Recently I've been playing the ethereal Natural Woman and the stress-busting Music for Beauty to try and calm myself and the household down. Music makes sorting out washing, making beds, etc, a whole lot more pleasant, too.

I expect I'm not alone in putting my own needs last on the To Do List, but I have really noticed that if I'm happy, the kids are usually pretty happy to. So I'm going to take more time for my soul.

Top ten websites recommended by my kids

2010-07-10T13:58:00.000-07:00

http://www.bbc.co.uk/cbeebies/games/atoz/m#/lb/misc/mysecretgarden to design your own garden and watch it grow as Spring changes to Summer.
http://www.miffy.com/ for Miffy games, colouring sheets, music and screensavers.
http://www.charlieandlola.com/website.asp for games, ecards, clips and wallpapers.
http://www.maisyfunclub.com/maisyframe.asp?section=eddie&page=eddie_home.asp to read Maisie stories.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/cbeebies/games/shows/mnopq#/lb/poetrypie/poetrypiegames for a game in which you can make a cow sound like a flushing toilet.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/cbeebies/grownups/images/waybuloo/grownups_waybuloo_yogofactsheet.gif for the yoga poses found in Waybuloo.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/cbeebies/#/lb/mistermaker/mistermakermagicpaintbox to play Mister Maker art and craft games.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/cbeebies/inthenightgarden/games/#/lb/inthenightgarden/explore for a guided tour of the Night Garden featuring yourself on webcam.
http://pixiehollow.go.com/ to create your own Disney fairy and play in Pixie Hollow.
http://www.flowerfairies.com/home.html to meet the flower fairies, plan a party and do activities.

What's growing in YOUR fridge?

2010-07-05T08:52:00.000-07:00

Confession: I once left a Brussels sprout in the salad drawer of the fridge, just to see what it'd do. Sometime between Christmas and Easter, it became unrecognisable, so I don't actually know whether it's been thrown away or not.

Fear not, this isn't going to be some kind of "How Clean Is Your House?" investigation (and that's probably a good thing, because our fridge is so tall, I can't even SEE what's on the top shelf at the back, let alone MONITOR it). I'm not going to discuss how to make more yoghurt from old yoghurt or what happens to wafer thin ham after a month.

But, I'll admit, there is something growing in our fridge. A tree. This may sound like neglect of domestic duties gone mad - I mean, mould is one thing, but a TREE?

Yes, a tree. In a bid to offset the carbon footprint of my Internet addiction, I acquired a simple but green solution: a Silver Birch in a bag, from Holistic World. This compact pack, which is less than a foot square, has 100% compostable packaging and contains everything you need to start a silver birch tree off on your windowsill within the bag, including comprehensive instructions and Soil Association Certified ‘Peat Free’ compost.

Following the instructions (for once), we have already soaked the seeds overnight and they are now enjoying a month's refrigerated residence mixed with compost and covered with clingfilm. The next step will be to return the seed mixture to the bag and wait for a sapling to appear. I'll keep you posted!

2010-06-25T08:35:00.001-07:00

The Non-Washer-Upper's guide to Washing Up.

2010-06-23T11:55:00.000-07:00

Ladies and gentlemen I'm delighted to introduce my first guest blogger on Mumtopia: Danielle Raine, author of the stunning Housework Blues - A Survival Guide - the only book I know that addresses the sometimes joyless and unprecendented challenge that is being a modern woman with a home to keep. I used to think that I could choose between having happy, entertained children and a house like a bomb-site, but with Danielle's housework survival tips there's real hope that Housework Blues can disappear for good, along with the thick layer of dust that can be found on the mantlepiece, withhout sacrificing my mental health of feminist tendencies.

Here's Danielle's The Non-Washer-Upper's guide to Washing Up, especially for readers of Mumtopia.

"A woman's just too tired to think about the dirty old dishes in the kitchen sink." ~ Eurythmics

The washing-up. Love it? Or hate it?

I once had a conversation with a man who couldn't understand why there were dirty pots in my sink. He asked me, in all sincerity, "Don't you like washing-up?" All I could offer in response was a Homer Simpson-esque blank stare. Like washing-up? What on earth was he talking about? He went on to explain that when he got home from work, he actually found it quite relaxing to put his hands in a bowl of hot soapy water and gaze happily out of the kitchen window as he got on with the washing up.

That was something of a revelation for me - I'd previously assumed that everyone loathed the dreaded washing-up and that some just got on with it more successfully than others. I had always belonged to the latter camp: Washing-up Avoider. In psychological circles, they would call it resistance. Whereas certain (unsympathetic) family members may refer to it as laziness. Whatever the label, I'm not a natural born washer-upper. Which is fine, we all have varying strengths and weaknesses. However due to a constantly grazing family, a comprehensive recycling regime and an aversion to putting plastic in the dishwasher, in my kitchen there is a never-ending stream of items to be washed.

So what to do?

Well, it has taken many years of messy kitchens for me to come up with an approach that helps (most of the time). This approach uses two ideas. The first idea is a perennial favourite of mine - delegation. I have a dishwasher yet for years I only made minimal use of it. But I eventually came to realise that I could, and should, exploit it as much as possible. Whereas before, I would leave large items by the sink, awaiting a willing washer-upper (usually a lengthy wait, in my home...), nowadays, I shove anything and everything in there (except plastic) and set the poor thing running almost constantly. This tactic has been particularly successful in keeping the kitchen sink clear (ish) but happily the dishwasher seems to like it too! It performs much better when used regularly than if it is left for a day or so. I believe they call this a win-win.

My second plan of attack is to analyse the time:angst ratio of the wash-up-now-or-later dilemma. I find a sink full of pots mildly depressing. If my kitchen is a state, the sight of it can really effect my mood. It's a downer. In fact, I have come to believe that, since I work from home, the state of my kitchen has a mysterious link with how my day will go. Feng shui enthusiasts would be able to explain this link but even without evidence from the invisible realm, if a messy kitchen gets me down, that's bound to have repercussions throughout my day. (I'm a big advocate of the mood=attitude=results school of thought, so for a successful and happy life, I try to eliminate causes of bad moods wherever possible.) So, I have developed a habit of assessing the time required to regain my clean kitchen and then compare this to the misery I will encounter if I don't. When you consider the job in these terms it becomes obvious what to do. You can spend approximately 10/15 minutes doing work (that you will have to do anyway) or you can leave it and allow it to depress/overwhelm you for the rest of the day. I find this analysis very helpful in deciding whether to bother. When you attach the result (clean kitchen) to something appealing (happier life), you become naturally motivated. Sometimes this is all it takes to make that all-important move tap-wards. Even better, the more you do this, the easier it gets! One day, you may even find that you have already finished the washing-up before it even occurred to you that leaving it was an option. For the Washing-Up Avoider in search of more order and harmony, that habit is like the Holy Grail.

However, for some (like me on a bad day) the instinctive resistance to 'do it later' can be strong. There may days when you need heavier motivational artillery. So for an added boost, keep in mind that if you do power through your resistance and get on with it straightaway, it will probably take less time and effort. It's a route to spending less time at the kitchen sink - who in their right mind wouldn't want that?

You could also try harnessing the power of music. Create a playlist or CD compilation of upbeat music and get in the habit of putting it on after breakfast/dinner (whenever you are most tempted to sneak away from the awaiting dishes). Any chore becomes less unpleasant when combined with tunes you love to sing along to. (You can check out my Washing Up Playlist here: http://open.spotify.com/user/danraine73/playlist/3nDPiNJSY017lq6NBT9MoY).

Another powerful trick is to call to mind the happy feelings you will experience when the job is done. Maybe it's because I am such a washing-up phobic, but I find enormous pleasure in a beautiful, clean and tidy kitchen. It makes me smile. It even makes me more inclined to cook something nutritious or bake something calorific. (Powerful results for an Undomestic Goddess like me.) Picturing this happy scenario is a form of visualisation, a technique that can drive Olympic athletes to the winners podium - so surely it can help with a few dirty pots and pans?

So there you have it. My Non-Washer-Upper's Guide To Washing-Up. And like all good converts I am evangelical about the benefits of claiming victory over your kitchen, so I really hope you'll give it a go. As for me, I've got a dishwasher to empty...

Check out Danielle's essential Make Peace with Housework Blog: http://www.makepeacewithhousework.com

You'll find her on Twitter & Facebook too:

http://twitter.com/danraine73

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Housework-Blues-A-Survival-Guide/110339545668482?ref=nf&v=wall

Best buds at Bean & Bud

2010-06-22T03:30:00.000-07:00

As many of you know, coffee is one of my greatest friends. We go back over twenty years (no wonder I could never sleep when I was a teenager). So Bean & Bud at 14 Commerical Street, Harrogate was a treat for me as well as DD, when we spent our Club Morning there on Saturday.

The atmosphere was less Ladies Who Lunch/ Spray Tan, as previously encountered at Queen Bean, and more welcoming and friendly. DD enjoyed people-watching as we sat at our corner table, especially when one of the ladies she looked beautiful in her red and white coat.

Obviously, I was going to go for a coffee, but Bean and Bud have a wide range of teas, including Darjeeling, Green, White, Oolong and Flowering teas, as well as good old English Breakfast. All their coffee is ethically sourced, locally roasted and freshly ground to order and my regular latte was generous and excellent. Although I couldn't see them listed, they do drinks for little people too, and DD opted for a baby hot chocolate.

After ordering my latte, we snuck round to oogle at the range of yummy cakes. Needless to say, the sparkly cupcakes caught DD's eye; this is the one we chose. By the way, that is Marmite on my daughter's cheek. Apologies.

DD spent some time floating mashmallows in her baby hot chocolate before she decided she didn't really like them and spooned them out again. She then decided to rise to the challenge of drinking from a Big Cup, which she mastered adequately, and as a result, felt Extremely Grown Up.

We had a lovely time, harmony was returned to the mother-daughter dynamic, and I will certainly be back with my laptop (when it arrives) to enjoy the free wi-fi, like a Real Writer.

Sleep is the answer

2010-06-18T12:57:00.000-07:00

I am not wonderful and I do not believe in me today, but this was the Feel Good card I got, so there you go.

Ask me any of the following questions and the answer is always the same at the moment:

1. If you could do anything at all right now, what would you do?
2. What one thing would improve your quality of life?
3. What makes your children demanding, argumentative and defiant if they don't get enough of it?
4. What do you want to do at the weekend?

Yes.

Sleep.

And I am not alone. At least two of my followers on twitter began their days at around 4.00 this morning.

DD is a night owl like me; she has been in bed over an hour and has still not settled down. Not exactly in bed, more like rearranging her bookshelf, laying out various outfits for all occasions on the bedroom floor and jumping from various items of furniture, pausing only now and then to complain at the top of the stairs that she can't get to sleep.

Her younger brother is destined to become a milkman or a postman. DS is one of those people I just can't relate to much - a morning person. Oddly, my husband is a morning person too. But I can relate to him in other arenas.

The effect of DS waking up his sister once or twice a week at 6.30a.m. (an hour before her alarm clock) is long-lasting and dramatic. When tired, DD's behaviour plummets after being good all day at school, and I get a good two hours of defiance and attitude from my five year-old before my husband saves the day by coming home from work. My cooking, never very good at the best of times, has reached an all time low as I am constantly distracted, trying to keep the peace or address various unwanted behaviour.

I am hoping that a recent CD from Holistic World will help my daughter get back to her reasonable sleeping pattern. It contains three short interactive stories (about five minutes each) based on the adventures of Eeny, Meeny, Miney and Mo, followed by calming relaxation music. The stories - Rainbow Bird, Crystal Cave and Unicorn Magic - are thoughtfully and imaginatively presented, giving children a chance to interact and really explore their imagination. These guided meditations are suitable for ages five and upwards, and feature specially composed music and sound effects by popular composer Niall. You can listen to music clips here. A nice touch is that the CD comes inside a gift card, which makes it a lovely present; you can see the design below.

I think another thing we're going to have to do is stick rigidly to the bedtime routine we have set up over the past five years and not skip bath even if we are all tired and it seems like too much hassle. We probably rush settling our children down a bit, because we are worn out and longing to have a break. We are desperate to wind down so we find it hard to help our children do that at bedtime themselves.We maybe also need to get some new story books as our children's imaginations develop and they want to hear more complex tales. There is still plenty of room for their old favourites, the repetition of which can be comforting and almost hypnotic (and not just for the listener!) but I think we might venture into new territory too.

Whatever the answer is, we sure do need to get back into good sleep habits. Any tips very welcome!

The Wrong Shoes

2010-06-16T05:19:00.000-07:00

After an enjoyable walk round a reservoir on Sunday, during which five year-old DD began to limp dramatically, we discovered that her wellies were rubbing on her little toes. Feeling guilty, we applied plasters, which soon got fiddled with, stuck to socks, pulled off etc. DH trekked to Clarks after lunch to have both children's feet measured, in a bid to feel less neglectful.

DH returned with two children clad in smart new shoes. Luckily there was a sale on. All seemed fine and dandy. Velcro fastening, good grips, no miniature dolls or cars secreted in the sole.

However, DD was extremely concerned that her shoes (which are for school) were the wrong colour. Indeed, they were pink with flowers on. Not black. Everyone would laugh at her, apparently. No-one would like the pink shoes.

Of course, no-one laughed; no-one in the playground even noticed, but DD got me to explain to her teacher why she wasn't wearing "regulation" shoes. The lovely teacher didn't mind at all, especially as there are only six weeks to go til the summer holidays.

What I learned from this is not that I should never send my maverick husband on a shoe-buying spree, but how strong the pressure is to fit in and be the same as others. I remember not wanting to stand out, as a child, wanting to be the same as the others, accepted, not different. It didn't seem to matter to DD whether she liked the shoes - it was what her peers thought that was most important. Whilst I'm glad that DD wanted to follow the school rules, I was reminded of the vital nature of self-esteem and confidence, which have now given me the power to stand up for myself, to do the job I want, to dress how I like and to not care (too much) what other people think. Well, on a good day.

So how to get the good feelings flowing? Particularly on those days when you'd really like a day off from that Job for Life, which is motherhood. The Feel Good Friends affirmation cards help children to identify with different feelings and emotions, and ways to express these feelings. Used regularly, they will help to instill positive beliefs and enable children to recognise their unique talents and abilities.

Encourage your children to pick a card whenever they want. You can ask them questions about it and get them to think of examples and experiences in their own life that relate to it. Because of the conceptual nature of the product, it is suited to anyone over 4, including adults. The pack contains 28 affirmation cards and four ones to write or draw on yourself - for example - "People that care about me..." - as well as explanations as to the benefits of the cards and how to use them.

Choosing a card at bedtime will enable your child to go to sleep on positive thoughts. Many of us have to be taught not to worry but to concentrate on the good things. Choose a card in the morning, say the affirmation, and start your day on a positive note; stick it on the fridge or the wall so everyone will see it regularly. I just chose one at random and I got "I am magical" (pictured left)

Feel Good Cards are a great way to cheer up an upset or doubting child, and remind them how special they are. Instilling positive beliefs in our children is perhaps the greatest gift we can give them. Not pink shoes.

Going home with the kids

2010-06-11T02:17:00.000-07:00

DD's primary school has a two week half term at this time of year. After the rotten Easter holidays we had not very long ago, I decided to make a plan. I felt I could stick a week at home with my 3 year-old and 5 year-old, but after that we would need a change of scene. As we aren't going to fork out on another holiday after visiting Bamburgh last month, I arranged for us three to spend time at my parents' in rural Staffordshire. This is what I learned:

Children going through a period of not sleeping very well will not change their tack just because they are in a new place.
Bath toys can be improvised, especially if your host retains plastic bottles for recycling.
Children do not automatically know not to chase ducks.
Garden centres with a play area, farms with a play area, carparks with a play area : all are essential locations.
To aid food consumption and shopping, plan meals in advance with children in mind. On a chart.
A laptop and an internet connection can be a much-needed link to the real world and a good source of information for places to visit, weather forecasts etc.
Excess caffeine consumption may be frowned upon.
Establishing grandparents' rules prior to the visit might be a good idea.
Having a plan A (if sunny weather) and a plan B (for rainy weather) for each day saves faffing about each morning trying to work out what activity will tick the boxes for everyone while the children run up and downstairs shouting "Boring!"
Missing your husband gets things into perspective. Count your blessings.

Just don't

2010-05-27T06:11:00.000-07:00

Our recent holiday not only encouraged me to expand my horizons, it also proved to me that there's no need to live in the complex way I have been doing. I've already talked about how I am trying to pare down the number of items I own. I am also clearing head space and examining different spiritual paths. One of my latest plans is to try to live more simply so that I don't feel so overwhelmed and stressed. The idea is that I will feel as though I have more control over my daily life, and I will be able to prioritise and make decisions better. I will then be able to make room for the things that really are important.

A recent read called The Art of Extreme Self Care has been helpful here, particularly the idea of a Don't list (the opposite of a to-do list).
What might be on your Don't list that would help you live more simply and look after yourself better?

Here are some of mine:

I no longer ....
1. keep things I never use or even look at, not even if I think they might "come in" some day.
2. feel guilty about picking up new hobbies/interests and dropping old ones.
3. remain on emailing lists which don't benefit me in some way, especially if the emails make me feel dissatisfied or that I should buy something.
4. eat when I'm not hungry.
5. waste my precious me-time on twitter.
6. feel guilty about buying a few items at a conveniece store rather than traipsing to the supermarket to save money.
7. drink more than three and a half pints of bitter.

Today's challenge: Get Rid of Stuff

2010-05-24T12:38:00.000-07:00

Perhaps it's because of green guilt, or my dad's make do and mend mantra, but I really do struggle with getting rid of things, be they necklaces I haven't worn for five years or empty cereal packets (mine lie flattened out under the bread-bin, waiting for a school project or craft afternoon).

A bonus about going on holiday recently was the fact that we all lived out of suitcases and we really didn't need very much stuff. It was liberating to take only a few changes of clothing and a minimally stocked wash bag and it made me think how much stuff I have at home that I didn't even want, let alone need.

Because we have been given lots of hand-me-downs or get things from freecycle or charity shops, our house is very cluttered despite us not having gone out and spend lots of money. The children have too many clothes to fit into their chests of drawers for example, so there are always two washing baskets full of ironing waiting to be re-housed.

On returning home to the stress and frustration of our cluttered house, DH and I agreed to try and cut down the amount of things we own by half. I began ebaying in earnest and have probably got enough stuff to keep me selling for the next 12 months.

Here are some tips for getting rid of stuff:

When you buy a new thing, get rid of the old thing it is replacing. Freecycle it or give it away to a friend; as a last resort, you will have to throw it away.
If charity bags come through the door, use this opportunity to find items to donate to charity - at least a bag-full a week will help.
Maybe you get lots of tempting mail order catalogues through the post? These not only take up space, they encourage me to buy more stuff. I have started returning them to the sender and asking if they will remove my address from their database.
Try not to be too sentimental about chucking stuff out. Sometimes it is good to let things go. I recently sold on Ebay a pendant that I was given by some colleagues when I left a job in a recruitment agency. I hated that job and I thought about that bad career move every time I wore the necklace. I quit that job in 1998! Time to let go, Al!
If you are feeling unsure about getting rid of some items, bag them up and put them in the loft. Mark on your calendar a date in six month's time. If you haven't been up to get anything out of the bags, give them all, still sealed up, to charity.
Getting rid of make-up, earrings, bath products, shoes etc is another way of moving on and re-emerging as a New You with an updated look.
Think about how many things you actually need - for example, you may well not need ten bath sheets, 22 mugs or 15 pairs of tights. Work out how many you really use and get rid of the rest.
Do you actually need all your CDs if you listen to your music collection on your PC? Maybe you can free up some space by carbooting your CDs.
Even if things were given to you as gifts, it is okay to pass them on now. I am still hanging on to some tops my husband gave me about 8 years ago, even though they don't fit, just because they are from him. It wouldn't even hurt his feelings, I'm sure, if I gave them away - I might check first, but I'll bet he says yes. Maybe it'll encourage him to buy me another top!
The less stuff you have, the less there is to clean and put away; go on, get rid of as much as you can. Nearly all of us have far more than we need.

Yesterday's Club Meeting

2010-05-23T04:10:00.000-07:00

DD and I are sticking to our regular club meetings on Saturday mornings, and yesterday's was one of the best.

After missing three hours' sleep due to DS being too hot/ lonely/ a 3 year-old, I didn't feel too chipper in the morning but DH kindly did breakfast duties and I had a lie-in til 8.30.

The sun was shining, the (fake) grass was green and if we'd had orange and palm trees in Harrogate, they'd've been swaying. Just the day to head up Kings Road to Queen Bean. Fear not, I wasn't planning on spray-tanning my five year-old; we were there for the beverages and cakes. We skipped up Skipton Street (I gave up before she did - pelvic floor) and already DD was saying "It is nice to have time together, mummy."

Queen Bean's decor is French-styled shabby chic; DD chose the table in the window with arm chairs and we looked at the prints and clocks on the wall whilst waiting to be served. We felt very ladylike and smart. I hit on the cupcake and drink combo for £4.95 and DD chose the cupcake. It was so beautiful we took a photo of it with my phone - glitter, a flake, lots of icing and definitely big enough to share. DD sipped orange juice and we played "What Is the Odd One Out?".

Part-way through, DD got off her striped armchair to give my the biggest longest hug I can remember ever having from her. I felt myself falling in love with this dear little girl all over again.

What did you read when you were little?

2010-05-16T12:07:00.000-07:00

Amazon.co.uk Widgets

Bon voyage.

2010-05-16T08:03:00.000-07:00

France? No! Northumberland.

Got back on Friday night and am now back down to earth in unsunny North Yorkshire. We had a lovely week, so I thought I'd share with you a few tips that made our annual family holiday work.

Consider going away with your parents or another family. This might be utter torture. Or it might spread the load and give you a break. You don't have to spend every minute together.
Limit your journey time. We found that two and a half hours in the car is long enough for any of us, even with a break. So, just don't go very far. Bet you can find somewhere great within a three hour radius. If your kids still have naps, fit the journey around them.
Stay on the ground. Ash. Strikes. Stay in Britain.
Bring new story CDs and compilations in the car, as well as some of the old favourites. Roald Dahl's stories are popular with our two, as are My Naughty Little Sister by Dorothy Edwards (shown above).
Plan the food in advance if you are self-catering. This avoids the usual nightmare of trying to work out what to eat every day of your holiday, especially if your parents don't eat rice or pasta and your kids don't really like Meat and Two Veg. It also makes packing and shopping easier.
Remember to sort out Ebay selling/buying and any other internet/ email commitments before you go, whilst not announcing to all and sundry that your house will be unoccupied for a particular period.
Research your destination before you get there so you know where the supermarkets are, and the nearest leisure centre. Find out what's showing at the nearest cinema or theatre; there might be soemthing on for families. It's good to get the chance to go swimming at a local pool even if the sea is baltic, and there might be special family splash times. Have some plans up your sleeve in advance, for bad weather, rather than trudging about looking for places to go in the rain.
Take back-up medication, such as spare inhaler or Prozac (if you are me) and keep it separate from everything else.
Keep to the routines you normally do, if that helps you. I find the kids are less settled if mealtimes and bathtimes go out of the window, so I carry on with the usual bedtime routine. Yes, no lie-ins, even on holiday, but we are used to that. If your kids share a room on holiday and don't normally, just accept that they will talk and mess about for a couple of hours. It isn't worth going in and moaning at them to go to sleep, unless they are upsetting each other. They'll catch up on sleep in the end.
Book yourself a treat; it's your holiday too. I had a rebalancing facial on my holiday at the Ocean Club in Seahouses- felt like I came home with a new face (in a good way!) - make sure everyone gets a chance to do something they like.

If you need kids' swimwear, I'm selling some on Ebay - please have a look.

Finally off my trolley.

2010-05-05T03:31:00.000-07:00

Scenario: daily walk to school with 5 yr old and 3 yr old, followed by play school drop-off.
Urban environment.
Time allowed 10 minutes.
Buggy not really needed to transport 3 yr old and mum wanting to encourage purposeful walking within a time limit.
Things to carry: Potty and wipes, Thomas rucksack, two coats, lunch bag, drinks bottle and book bag, handbag and shoes for the gym.
Answer: a shopping trolley. Mine was about £26inc. P & P from marketeer. I think you might like one, too.
Yes, I get funny looks.
But what's new?

A mum-daughter club

2010-04-30T08:35:00.000-07:00

Over the last weeks, I have felt like I'm losing my daughter. She's 5. We had a rotten Easter holidays because she wanted to be at school. It was her brother's third birthday and she said she felt left out, which I understood although we did our best to include her. For the last two/ three weeks she was full of attitude, anger and not wanting to do anything. Everything I do was wrong, and everything I said. She has always been co-operative and good, and loving, and that's been disappearing.

I had a word with her teacher to see if anything was happening at school, but nothing had changed - no new friends, fall-outs or any issues: just good behaviour.

In the meantime I've been in tears, she was really hurting me and knocked my confidence. Finally, I hit on a possible reason. I feel like there's always a reason for bad behaviour, even if we can never pinpoint it and the child isn't conscious of it.

I realised I never have any time with my daughter just the two of us. Not like before her brother was born. The holidays underlined to her just what she was missing out on at home while she was normally at school.

So, my idea was to create a club, a Saturday morning club, just for me and my girl; our first meeting was last Saturday and we went into town, bought club notebooks, visited a craaft fair and had a drink and a piece of cake at the Wesley chapel. It was the best day we've had in a long time, and since then she's turned a corner. Our club meets every Saturday and I think it's going to work. Maybe we'll make badges tomorrow or go for a walk.

Sometimes the solution is right in front of you, and it's pretty simple: more time together.

Support for survivors of depression

2010-04-21T12:40:00.000-07:00

Alison Bayne has created a network to support other people with depression, so that we can make life better, help one another, and recover. This forum is for anyone encountering depression, including post-natal depression - you don't have to be on Prozac! Current topics are: what books have helped you? Blessings, Words of Wisdom, Hope, and Comfort, and our experience of therapies.

Want to join in? You'll be very welcome. Please sign up and mke yourself at home.

Visit Prozac Is My Second Best Friend

More Bills than New Baby Cards #5

2010-04-19T14:07:00.000-07:00

Once your baby is eating solid food, save money by making your own. Add your chosen vegetables to the slow-cooker, cover with water and cook until soft. Put the finished product in ice-cube trays and freeze. Transfer to freezer bags once frozen solid. When it’s time to eat, warm up a few cubes in the microwave or on the hob. You could even try container gardening or start a vegetable plot and grow your own baby food.

Money saved by not buying:
Baby food £390.00 for six months

Breast pads that you wash and re-use are less expensive in the long run than disposable pads. They are also softer and less scratchy. Try to breast feed for as long as you feel happy with it. It's cheaper than formula.
Money saved by not buying:
Formula milk £240.00 for six months

Remember that babies don’t need fancy equipment or a beautifully decorated nursery. Marketing campaigns urge us to believe that buying things is essential for babies and their development, that if we really love our children, we will spend a fortune on colour co-ordinated cotton wool balls and mobiles which recite positive affirmations to our babies throughout the night. In fact, babies are happy with very little. What they really need are plenty of cuddles, enough sleep, warmth and nourishment and to know that they are loved.

For more money saving tips, read The New Spend Less Revolution by Rebecca Ash

More Bills than New Baby Cards #4

2010-04-17T03:16:00.000-07:00

Second-hand or hand-me-down toys are a further way of saving money and recycling goods. “Toy libraries will give your children much variety” says Christensen, and the money saved “can go towards buying more expensive “permanent” toys.” Swapping toys with friends might also work for you. Another way to maintain interest in toys is to box them up and store some in the loft, bringing down different toys regularly, so that children frequently get a change of play-things.

Baby lotion and cotton-wool or a damp facecloth are much cheaper than baby-wipes.
Money saved by not buying:
Babywipes £96.00

Make healthy meals and store them in the freezer a few weeks before the baby is born. Many new parents end up getting takeaways or ready meals because of the disruption and fatigue a baby can cause. Convenience meals are expensive and don’t give you the nutrients you need at this demanding time. If you have family or friends who enjoy cooking, perhaps they can give you some soups and stews to put in your freezer.

Cloth nappies are cheaper than disposables, even when you take the laundry costs into consideration. There is an initial outlay, but you can save hundreds of pounds in the long run.

We loved http://earthlets.co.uk/Motherease nappies. Starting with 24 flat nappies and 4 wraps plus some liners (at £2-3 per roll of 100), you can expect to pay around £80 for a set. You will need to get larger wraps later as your baby grows, which will bring the total to about £150 for everything until your baby is potty trained.

Retailers often sell sets, which can be better value than buying individual items. One-size wraps cost more but you will need fewer.

It is possible to buy used nappies through Real Nappy Exchanges and I even got some via freecycle. Council incentive schemes help cut the initial cost - get in touch with your council and see what they offer - and remember you can use them on subsequent children.

No time to wash and dry? Using a laundry service spreads the load.

Money saved
Cost of disposables minus cost of cloth nappies £700.00

More Bills than New Baby Cards #3

2010-04-13T09:05:00.000-07:00

Baby swings and baby door-bouncers have a time-limited use because they are only suitable up to a certain weight, so try to borrow rather than buy, or put a wanted ad on freecycle.

Save space in your baby’s room and several hundred pounds by changing your baby on a changing mat on the floor, rather than buying a changing table. It is also safer, because he can’t fall off the floor once he starts wriggling about.

If you are handy with a sewing machine, or have a talented friend who wants to make you a present, it is possible to create a unique and stylish baby changing bag without the designer price tag. Deena Beverley features a funky baby bag in Brilliant Bags that you can adapt to suit your favourite colours and personal style.

According to a survey by Egg, parents spend around £715 a year per child on toys. Babies don’t need a lot of expensive toys; they’re more interested in the world around them and in everyday objects. Make your baby a treasure basket for exploring. Babies often want to put everything into their mouths, so make sure that everything you choose for the basket is safe and clean, and stay with your baby while he plays with each item. The purpose is to offer interest through smell, taste, sound, touch and sight; far more inspiring and eco-friendly than plastic, battery-operated toys (and less annoying!).

What to put inside the treasure basket:

Natural objects –, avocado stone, lime, pear, fir cones, big shells, large walnuts, pumice stone

Objects made from natural material – woollen pompom, little baskets, brushes (test bristles are firmly attached)

Wood – spoons, egg cups, bowls, pegs, napkin rings

Metal – spoons, tin lids, garlic press, bunch of keys

Odds and ends – little notebooks, small purses, small cardboard boxes, inside of kitchen rolls, velvet material

Reward Charts for boys

2010-04-12T00:50:00.000-07:00

Dinosaur Reward Chart - iChild

More Bills than New Baby Cards #2

2010-04-08T13:04:00.000-07:00

Babygrows, booties, socks and hats can be picked up for pence in charity shops and they will be hardly worn, since babies grow so quickly. As Karen Christensen says in her inspirational Green life guide, Home Ecology (shown above), “Just because a garment is second-hand does not mean it will be shoddy. You may well find you can afford far better quality – and originally more expensive – clothes by careful shopping. There are resale shops in some towns, and while the prices cannot rival those at jumble sales, they are still considerably cheaper” and less wasteful than buying new. Avoid buying too many items in newborn sizes, however sweet and tiny they look.

Buy at the end of the season. If you are having a winter baby, shop for some 18-month-sized summer items at the end of August.

Accept hand-me-downs. Well-worn clothes are much softer and more comfortable for children to wear. I understand that not everyone is happy to dress their little boys in pink during the day, but I did dress my son in his sister’s old pink and purple fairy jamas while I could get away with it.

Money saved by not buying new:
Typical first year wardrobe spend £280.00

If people ask what presents you would like for the baby, it is a good idea to ask for clothes in bigger sizes or toys for when your son or daughter is older. “Encourage friends and relatives to ask before they buy presents,” says Christensen, “so they can supplement your “finds” instead of duplicating them.” Or you can ask for a contribution to a larger item such as a cot. My son, who was six months old in December 2008, got lavender essential oil, and washable nappies amongst his Christmas presents. He didn't care at all! At least he had some wrapping paper to play with!

More Bills than New Baby Cards #1

2010-04-07T03:01:00.000-07:00

If we all waited until we were sure we could afford to have a family, we probably wouldn’t have one. New babies can certainly cost a lot financially, but there is no need to succumb to the pressure to spend more than you need. The easiest time to begin teaching your children how to live better for less is when they are newborn, so why not start as you mean to go on? If more bills are coming through your letter box than New Baby cards or your maternity pay is just about to run out, don’t panic. Keep costs down and your baby happy. I worked out I’d saved £2,655 by my son’s first birthday (and that was in 2008). In this series on mumtopia, I’ll show you how.

Freecycle.org, charity shops, second-hand stores and NCT sales are perfect for cribs, high-chairs, portable play-pens, baby monitors and pushchairs. We picked up an umbrella-style buggy at a NCT sale for £5.00 and it lasted over three years. Check out the dates of sales in local press or at nctpregnancyandbabycare; they are usually twice a year. If freecycle doesn’t come up with the goods, small-ads in newspapers and corner shops can still save you a lot of money. Our son’s wooden chest of drawers was £40.00, our daughter’s cot bed cost £35.00 and we picked up a travel system for £40.00, all in excellent condition. Definitely try to borrow a Moses basket - your baby will probably on be sleeping in it for a few weeks. It is recommended that you always buy a new mattress and a new car-seat, however.

Think how much you’ll save if you don’t buy any of these things brand new:
Cot, Pram and accessories, Baby carrier/ sling, Bedding, Steriliser, Bottles, Highchair, Safety gates.

Cheaply decorate your baby’s room. Painted walls in a neutral colour are a good idea, with a bright border (try end-of-line bins in decorating shops, or make your own “border” of postcards, photos and drawings) and matching curtains if you like.

We used boring old magnolia for our baby daughter's walls, but put plenty of things up for her to look at, ad we didn't have to repaint when her little brother came along. You don’t have to get child-themed fabric or wallpaper to have a bright and welcoming nursery.

I made my daughter a sea creatures mobile and stuck silver-foil stars onto the ceiling. My son’s room is decorated with sheets of wrapping paper which work fine as bright, cheerful posters. Make a collage of birthday cards each year, placed in a clipframe. Perhaps a friend or relative could paint a picture for the wall. We have a framed nursery rhyme water-colour by my son’s late great-grandfather.

Money saved by not buying new: Wallpaper and matching accessories £90.00

What's the worst that could happen? Your baby isn't going to reject its bouncychair because it's the wrong colour!

Mumtopia Recommends : The Pourty

2010-03-30T03:20:00.000-07:00

I have to tell you about this new discovery: the pourty.

This is a fantastic product which makes potty-training that bit easier by eliminating the dribbles and mess that go with emptying a standard potty. Its brilliant design means the potty is easy to empty and clean, and carry to the loo. My little boy likes the cat on the front and finds it comfortable to sit on. The high splash guard is a bonus too. It works so well yet is quite simple - British design at its best.

With a RRP of just £9.99 it is worth spending those extra pennies (pardon the pun) for a truly innovative solution to a common problem. My son asked me to send a thank you letter to the lady who made his pourty! I thoroughly recommend it for anyone beginning (or in the middle of) pottytraining - we need all the help we can get!

Gardening with Kids #4

2010-03-28T11:43:00.000-07:00

Rain needn’t necessarily stop play. If children are wrapped up warm and in waterproof clothing, getting outside to splash in puddles can be a happy escape from that cooped-up feeling. Using the garden space as much as possible, even when the weather isn’t particularly clement, means that children will be less inclined to think that being outside only means sunbathing. Often they will be so busy and engaged in their own world outdoors, they will hardly notice the grey clouds. It is worth stressing that gardening time will be more successful if there is more than one adult and more than one child. The adults can take it in turns to look after the children (and it is important to clarify who is doing what, when, before a toddler suddenly works out how to unlatch the garden gate), and the children can play together.
Safety reminders
• Replace loose paving slabs, put away hosepipes left unravelled and think about which areas are slippery or uneven – help children to avoid tripping. Where possible, use surfaces that provide a good grip underfoot. • Teach children to stay away from water features and, if they're too young to realise the danger, cordon off the area or cover the pond with a steel mesh. • Keep the shed locked. Do not leave sharp tools lying around. Even if weedkillers and insecticides are labeled 'organic' or 'bio', they are still not safe for children to touch. • Teach children never to taste unknown plants or berries. Consider removing highly toxic plants such as foxgloves, rhubarb, oleander and mistletoe altogether.

Make the gardening sessions short, and be prepared to keep switching tasks, if the children are lending a hand. Take a flask or bottle of juice, so you don’t get muddy wellies traipsing through the kitchen, and have picnic breaks if you want to stay outside for more than an hour, or have a break from gardening. Keep some old cushions and blankets for this purpose – no-one can fall off the ground! However, don’t overestimate the amount of progress you’ll make when gardening with children. The main thing is that everyone enjoys being outside and gets fresh air, and, if they are lucky, a pod of tiny fresh peas, or a couple of the first strawberries; a taste of the garden they will always remember.

Today's Challenge: Make your own First Aid Kit

2010-03-25T11:42:00.000-07:00

Inspired by the day on which DS tripped over a kerb, fell headlong onto his face, teeth first, and I didn't even have a pack of babywipes to mop him up, I decided to take a leaf from my Very Competent Mum Friend's book and make my own portable first aid kit.

A first aid kit is just the kind of thing that you only need if you haven't got one. Since stowing mine in my cavernous handbag, I have very rarely had to use its contents. But it's great to know I have the things I need in case of minor accident or ailment. Like listening to local radio on snowy days to find out about school closures, carrying a first aid kid is a Proper Mum thing to do: here's what 's in mine:

For bruises: Nelsons Arnica cream or cooling gel. Nelsons arnica cooling gel combines the natural healing properties of arnica with refreshing grapefruit oil and menthol to cool and soothe the skin; just right for red knees. Bashed elbows, chins and knees are a daily occurence with my kids and it's good to feel you can actually do something to soothe a bad knock. You can also use the gel to ease achy muscles after being on your feet all day.
For relief of fever and pain: Junior Paracetamol Suspension in sachets and a medicine spoon. Or the equivalent Ibufprofen.
As a nasal decongestant or to clear painful sinuses : Olbas oil
To kill germs without water or towels: a small bottle of hand sanitizer
Pack of plasters and wipes to treat minor stings, cuts and grazes, from the chemist.
As a natural antiseptic: Nelsons Tea tree cream. I have used this for a variety of scrapes and grazes, but also for spots and blemishes, as I have problem skin. It is gentle but effective, rubs in well, and a little goes a long way. The tea tree smell is quite strong (unavoiadable, really, given that it is made with the finest, purest tea tree oil from Australia), but not unpleasant, and at least it is a natural, rather than synthetic, fragrance.
A pencil case or small toilet bag to keep everything in.

Gardening with Kids #3

2010-03-24T04:23:00.000-07:00

• Children who like watching BBC’s “In the Night Garden” will have many opportunities to bring their favourite characters to life; a bush can be the Tombliboos’ home or bedding plants can be Upsy Daisy’s flower patch. Or think Waybuloo.

• Some moss, a few stones, leaves and petals can become a fairy garden.

• Planks, a low wall, and a couple of bricks can become an assault course.

• Build a miniature greenhouse using some 12cm pots and the same number of 2 litre soft drink bottles

• Build a den, or treehouse

• Catch different insects (kits are available for this) and observe them
• Collect stones and paint them, or let your kids paint on the wall, slabs or shed (it washes off)

• Press flowers to make pictures.
• Make animals out of vegetables
• Sow flowers to reveal your initial
• Set slug traps using an empty margarine container and some beer (preferably the dregs in the bottom of the bottle otherwise it seems an awful waste).
• Make plant labels for rows of vegetables
• For a Thomas the Tank Engine fan, chalk a railway line, complete with station, shed and turntable and use some blocks of wood as trains

Gardening with Kids #2

2010-03-23T10:28:00.000-07:00

The earlier you start involving children in garden-related tasks and activities, like emptying the kitchen caddy into the compost bin, or watering the tubs, the more they will accept it as part of everyday life. Even simply hanging out the washing can be a good excuse to get everyone outside. Be patient and remember that children are individuals and we are all motivated by different things. Some may love getting muddy and collecting worms for the wormery. Others may delight in the first delicate snowdrop blooms. Or the end result - fresh new potatoes, basil, baby plum tomatoes – might be what keeps you digging!

Try to include children in the decision-making about what fruit, vegetables or flowers they would like to grow so they feel involved from the start. To avoid disappointment, it may be a good idea to steer overly-ambitious children away from pineapples, pomegranates and papaya, and towards some of the fruit and vegetables suggested by the Royal Horticultural Society, many of which can be harvested three months from sowing:

• Beetroots

• Carrots

• Courgettes

• Lettuces
• Onions
• Potatoes
• Radishes
• Runner beans
• Spinach
• Strawberries

Gardening with Kids #1

2010-03-22T13:39:00.000-07:00

Like young children, gardens are hard work, time-consuming and frequently damp, but (mostly) worth all the effort. Many parents like me feel they don’t have time to smell the roses, let alone grow any. 21st Century families rarely have the time or the space to garden together. Homes with sizeable gardens are out of the question for a good deal of first time buyers. This means families with young children miss out in several ways: they don’t get the freedom of playing outside, close to home and within safe boundaries; they lack first-hand knowledge of how and why things grow; the seasons don’t matter so much; and to the question “Where does food come from?” their answer will usually be “the supermarket".

If you are desperate to get outside and start thinning your peaches or pruning your weigela, but you have children to look after, there needn’t be a conflict of interests. Why not combine the two? Just like coaxing a plant to thrive; start sowing the seeds of interest early, tread gently and read the signs that you are over-doing it! Soon you may have the benefit of a small troop of weeders or waterers following you around the garden, sometimes quite willingly!

Encouragement is key to developing green fingers. Certainly, it can be difficult to motivate children to get outdoors into the fresh air or stop playing on their Wii. Much depends on the child’s age: a toddler will quite happily follow mummy or grandpa out into the garden and enjoy messing about in the dirt, or helping to plant, but older children usually need a bit more encouragement or persuasion. It's important not to insist on perfection or undying enthusiasm; just getting them out of the back door and keeping them outdoors is an achievement!

It is a good idea to start with simple projects such as the old favourite of growing cress in eggshells on a window-sill, as this has a high success-rate and a speedy result. Or your child can adopt a houseplant, learning how to tell when it needs watering by feeling the compost, deadheading to keep it looking tidy, being encouraged to look out for insects and disease invaders (a magnifying glass, plus a book with some gory pictures of diseases and pests makes this much more interesting), and learning about the conditions preferred by most houseplants in terms of sunlight and temperature. Familiarity with an indoor plant may encourage an interest in what’s growing outside. A hyacinth, crocus or miniature daffodils would be ideal, as these can be planted outside later. Several suppliers have seed ranges aimed at children, but the real inspiration will come from you, the gardener.

Talk to the hand

2010-03-18T07:10:00.000-07:00

We've all caught ourselves sounding just like our mothers, haven't we? ("I'm going to count to three: one, two, TWO-AND-A-HALF..." "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all..." ..."because that's how it IS" etc etc). And perhaps quite a few of us have caught a glimpse of our reflection in a shop window, pushing a buggy laden with shopping bags and a clanking potty and suddenly recognised that patient look, that frown, that posture; the sheer motherhood of it all passed from generation to generation. But have you noticed that apart from sharing your mother's repertoire of nursery rhymes, her disdain for Scooby Doo and her enthusiasm for Nice Fresh Air, you now also have her hands?

With my two kids struck down recently by the latest D & V virus, I've washed my hands so much, I might as well have walked round with a marmalade-jar full of soapy water jammed onto each one. Whatever stage your child is at, whether nappies or potty training, the skin on your hands will get a hammering. And that's before you have even begun any housework, not to mention feeling obliged to squirt your palms with anti-bacterial gel whenever you think of Swine Flu.

Not only is dry, chapped skin uncomfortable, undernourished skin can make your hands look older than they really are. Over the years I have tried a number of handcreams to try and combat the drying effects of wipes, washing-up liquid and Winter, and until now, Nivea Age Defying Q10 Plus was my favourite. However, I've recently been converted to Myroo Skincare's Geranium Hand Treat.

Geranium? Musty greenhouses, the horse-racing on, a hot sunny windowsill at your Nan's? I thought so too, until I tried it. Unlike the plant, the hand cream is not over-powering, and the geranium oil is wonderfully nourishing and good for poor circulation. It also contains Vitamin E to increase elasticity, reducing that unpleasant "tight" feeling, and acting as an anti-oxidant.

Rachel Dunseath of Myroo Skincare makes all her products by hand, using only the best natural ingredients: no phthalates, synthetics, SLS, palm oil or parabens at all. Rachel has created a brand which looks good on show in the bathroom but also appeals to our ethical side; her shea butter is fairly traded and all her packaging is recyclable. Not only that but she's local, and a mother of two, so she knows what it's like to be a busy mum with not enough hands!

The Geranium Hand Treat is so luxurious and intensive that a little goes a very long way. You just need a dab - much less than with any commercial creams I've tried- and it has a lovely buttery texture and colour. It goes on a little greasy, but rubs in well, and it doesn't shout "GERANIUMS!" Last night I used it as an intensive repair treatment, put a bit extra cream on, slipped on cotton gloves and left overnight; I really noticed the difference when I woke up. It's such a treat; divine-smelling and ethical!
Often, I've tried natural products, such as eco-washing powder or cleaning products, and - although for ethical reasons I've wanted to like them - I've ended up going back to my old chemical-filled favourites, because they still perform better. With Mryoo I'm pleased to say, natural is best.

The perils of imagination

2010-03-15T12:19:00.000-07:00

Do you remember singing a song in school assembly which went:

Think of a world without any flowers,
think of a wood without any trees,
think of a sky without any sunshine,
think of the air without any breeze:...?

Bleak. It got worse; it went on to there being no people or houses. "no-one to love and nobody to care". As an over-imaginative child of five, this hymn was guaranteed to fill my head with worries which loomed particularly large once my bedtime story was over and my quasi-bunnikins lamp was switched off.

A vivid imagination is seen by many parents as a wonderful thing - such great ideas for stories and games, so expressive, so much to say - but to the child it can be a burden. Imagination is not switched off when Music & Movement ends or the last line of the poem is finished. Imagination takes the child wherever it wants: anything is possible. (Imagine if you got kidnapped. Could you breathe with a gag on? Hold your breath and make sure...What if there's somebody under the bed? What if they grabbed your feet? etc etc)

If your child's imagination is working over time, you will find things become very real to her. "It's only a story!" just does not work. Children with this level of sensitivity can empathise very strongly with characters in books, for example, and feel like they are going through the plot of the book themselves.

Watching a Disney film and getting frightened by the baddies; over-imaginative children know rationally that it isn't actually real, but it feels real. So a brush-off comment such as: "Don't be silly, no witches are going to come and get you!" rejects the over-imaginative child's strong feelings of fear. Instead the child will now feel misunderstood, belittled and still afraid of the witches.

If an over-imaginative child cannot trust her carers to take her worries seriously (and you will need to work out whether she is stalling for time or is really bothered about something), then she will have to face her fears on her own. This can result in high levels of anxiety.

One way of approaching a punishingly overactive imagination is to take steps to train it. Take the imagination in another direction instead of one which keeps your child awake and worrying. The technique of creative visualisation can help here, but you really do need to go into detail, guiding your child to imagine things which will comfort and relax her. It is not enough to say "Don't worry; think of something nice instead, like Christmas".

To meditatively guide your child's imagination, enabling her to visualise a sanctuary, a safe place, a magic pool etc., may not be something that will come easily to you, so I recommend you look into one of the many guided meditation CDs which are available. Your library should be able to find you some which are suitable for youngsters to listen to (some may be too complex or demanding).

A CD which I have just tried with my daughter is called "The Seashore", by Rachel & Charles Vald, and I highly recommend it. "The Seashore" can be thought of as very gentle guided meditation aiding a better night's sleep. My daughter and I listened to it together whilst lying next to each other on her bed, after bath-time. The CD, which is available from Hypnosis Healthcare LLP begins with simple relaxation exercises, then - the best bit - the guided story begins; building sand castles, riding on a boat, playing with dolphins and much more. It is recommended for children aged 4-11, but I think it would be a good idea to listen together with your child if she is fairly young. I had to explain what "life jackets" are used for, for example, and I think my being there helped to ensure that my daughter carried on listening.

"This is really helping," my daughter whispered part-way through. "I can really imagine it. Tell the man I like the story," she added, drowsily. To stop the child waking up at the end of the CD they are told to use their imagination to create their own adventures with the characters they have met in the story, which allows them to drift off into a lovely dream and a better night's sleep with the gentle sound of ocean waves. My daughter was still awake at the end of the guided imagery but wanted to "keep the waves on", and seemed very relaxed and happy.

We can't stop our children from being imaginative and sensitive, but there are drawbacks to these gifts which we need to acknowledge and attend to. It is up to us to help children with active imaginations to harness, benefit from, and enjoy their special talent.

Free things to do with Kids #1

2010-03-15T03:07:00.000-07:00

Wow, my children have actually gone willingly into the garden for more than six minutes. They are in the backyard with two buckets of water, seeing what floats and what sinks. "Mum! Wood floats!" etc. No arguing yet and nobody is soaking wet. When that happens, as it is sure to do, I am going to suggest we all do a Baby Chicks Spring Collage - iChild.

Reward Chart for the House Fairy system

2010-03-13T08:00:00.000-08:00

Just printed off this Sticker Flower Reward Chart - iChild for free, because DD got the last sticker on her chart today. So the House Fairy will be visiting tonight. Wonder what present she'll leave behind?

Today's Challenge: Get the rest you deserve

2010-03-13T04:53:00.000-08:00

"A good night's WHAT? SLEEP? What's THAT?" I hear mums up and down the country shouting.

There is nothing like sleep deprivation to make you feel utterly hellish. Even just one rotten night can make you feel disoriented and snappy, and we all know what it's like after weeks or months of getting up in the night.

This post isn't actually about controlled crying, lullabies, bedtime routines or fairy tales; this is about you. Lying awake in bed, looking at the clock and panicking that you can't drop off to sleep. Knowing that you're tired, knowing you've got to be up in five hours, knowing you desperately need to rest.

That was me, last night, so I decided to put a positive spin on it. "I can't sleep even though I'm tired; probably lots of other people are awake right now thinking the same thing. What helps?" I got out my notebook and pen. (In my life, if something doesn't kill me, it usually ends up in a magazine feature.) So here are my top tips for getting a good night's sleep; let me know what works for you. By the way, if you're finding yourself getting past the Shipping Forecast and onto the BBC's World Service most nights, don't continue to suffer; go and see your GP for help and advice.

Avoid gritty dramas, distressing news broadcasts and any other kind of media that isn't going to help you relax and prepare for sleep. Even some books are going to get your mind whirring too much or upset you - I'm thinking of the Nightmare Childhood genre here - so if you want to read in bed, keep it easy-going.

And I know they always say it, although perhaps it falls on deaf ears if you are wedded to coffee like I am: don't drink caffeinated drinks before bed, preferably not at all in the evening.

Just like the experts say: routine is important at bedtime. Adults, like children, benefit from the ritual of going to bed at about the same time each night, and in the same way. Think about what worked for you as a child and what was comforting. A warm bath, low lighting and a milky drink? Maybe you said your prayers with your mum? Or told your dad three good things that happened today? How can you incorporate this into your own evening routine? Come on, be good to yourself; you've had a hard day!

There are loads of meditation practices and relaxation techniques out there to help your body and mind make the transition from a busy day to falling asleep. Some people find simple stretching is enough, or lie down and tense up then relax all the different muscles, working clockwise around the body. One very basic but effective exercise for slowing down is to count each breath you take, breathing slowly and deeply in through your nose and out through your mouth. At the same time, you can give yourself a mental message such as "I am calm" or "I let myself rest", repeating these affirmations for as long as you like.

You may want to make time to meditate or pray, perhaps looking at a candle flame, but this is obviously extremely risky in terms of fire, so a modern alterative is to switch on an Ultrasonic Aroma Diffuser. This gives you light and fragrance without any flame or heat. All you need is tap water, any essential oils, and a power point to plug the diffuser unit in. Don't worry, Fireman Sam, it has an auto-shut-off mechanism which is triggered when the water falls below the required level.

It may be something more physical that's keeping you awake. I'm sure I'm not the only person who lies awake, knowing I need the loo but refusing to get out of my warm bed. Hunger, thirst and body temperature can also prevent us from getting to sleep. Pay attention to what your body needs and don't lie there ignoring it. I have found that a bowl of muesli for supper is a must if I want to get to sleep. The added bonus for me, as a sufferer of PMS, is that it helps to keep my blood sugar levels stable through the night. For much of the year, I also need a hot water bottle and bed socks in order to feel comfortable!

A notebook and pen by your bed is a useful way of letting go of the day. One way to do this is to write a journal or gratitude book. Or, if you are night owl and have most of your good ideas at night, write them down in your book and mull over them in your dreams, rather than keeping yourself awake with your brainwaves. To-do lists also have their place on the bedside table. Who hasn't sat up in bed ten minutes after switching the light off and thought: "Crikey, it's Father's Day at the weekend!" or "When are the library books due back?" or some other exhilarating thought? This is the time to get your Notes To Self down on paper and then forget about them ‘til morning.

Sometimes, things cannot be left ‘til morning. You know yourself what your triggers are. Maybe you'll find yourself thinking about something over and over; there's no way your mind's going to let you rest. I usually give myself about twenty minutes to drop off, and if my mind's working overtime I get up, and do whatever I need to do. This may be as simple as reading a magazine for a while, or as complex and involved as trying to find out a long ago friend's date of death on the internet. Remember that nearly everything looks worse in the small hours.

We do so much to try and help our children settle down and sleep well; today's challenge is to start creating your own bedtime routine to enable you to get the rest you deserve.

How to be a lifeline

2010-03-10T03:11:00.000-08:00

In the UK, one in four women is suffering in an abusive relationship. Domestic abuse can be violent or psychological, and anyone, in any type of relationship may become a victim.

There is no obvious way to spot whether someone is experiencing domestic violence, but a pattern of abuse could include:

Changes in personality (e.g. an outgoing woman becomes withdrawn)
Absence from work, othr commitments or social occasions
References to their partner's temper or anger
Repeated unexplained (or unconvincingly explained) injuries

Sometimes we feel awkward about taking sides, or we feel we should we stay neutral. Maybe we think we don't know the whole picture or try to stay out of it, saying "it's not really any of my business". We might want to help but not really know what to do. But ignoring it is no help at all.

Being a lifeline for a friend experiecing domestic violence may be one of the most important things you'll ever do. You could literally be saving her life, and that of her children. So what can we do to support ourselves and other women?

Stay in contact with friends and family, and talk about your relationships. Discussion and feedback from others can help you get perspective on what is happening, and feel clearer that it's not "all in your head".
Talk to children and young people about negative attitudes to women and girls, and help them to identify positive images and role models. See Object for inspiration.

Keep yourself and other women informed about support groups and agencies that can help. Things like International Women's Day or Women's World Day of Prayer can be good starting points.
It is important to maintain and develop your confidence and self-esteem in ways that don't rely on your relationship. Try to make time for your own development, e.g. courses, hobbies, reading, activities, exercise.
If you think a friend or loved on is being abused, try telling her that your concerned. Say what's worrying you and ask if she wants to talk to you about it. Let her know you want to help. You don't have to have all the answers. Breaking the isolation is the important thing.
Find out information about her rights and the services available, such as Refuge and Women's Aid, who can provide practical and emotional support.
For more information, try Citizens' Advice or The Home Office

You got a friend in me.

2010-03-06T11:14:00.000-08:00

Before I had my two children, I didn't really like women.

No, I haven't gone through some sudden bisexual transformation (although I do believe that everyone is bisexual to some extent). What I mean is that I shunned girls' nights out. And girls' nights in. At university, I hung around with men, mainly Labour supporters. Earnest, clever types who treated me as an equal. I was keen to get on in a man's world, and to do that, it seemed, I would have to abandon my girlishness. Edgy and angry, I kept my hair short and strived for a boyish look that said "don't mess with me."

So it was obvious I wouldn't have a hen night. I've only been on one hen night, and it was dire; at the time it all felt so silly and giggly, when I wanted more than pediures and pink champagne.

Nearly a decade down the line and I've grown up. Finally, I've learned not to put all my eggs in one basket my mum's wise words) and expect everything I need in life from one person, namely my husband. Having read Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus: How to Get What You Want in Your Relationships and agreed with a great deal of it, I am starting to accept I'll never be fully understood by one individual.

In fact, I can't imagine life without my friends. Over the past few years, they've given me so much, whether it was encouraging me to see my GP when I suspected PNI, teaching me to knit, sharing an addiction to Homes & Bargains, dropping everything to look after my kids when I had flu, and on top of that: hugs, a shoulder to cry on, acceptance. Hopefully, they'd say the same!

We are lost without our women friends. Historically, we've always stuck together - families didn't drift apart geographically or emotionally as they do now; sisters, mothers, aunties, grandmothers- all were there for each other, for life. Not always a good thing of course, but we can CHOOSE our friends. Each friend plays a different role at a different time. There are some I would never discuss tattoos with; others don't share my enthusiasm for Gina Ford, Hobgoblin or Costco, or think twittering is pointless. But they are all vital to my happiness and to help me avoid isolation as a stay-at-home mum. Some I see on play-dates, others by the school gate, and others only on nights out (where it is finally possible to talk to one another without being interrupted by requests for apple juice or help with a jigsaw).

Having good friends to turn to, to laugh with, to ask advice from, is fantastic; it adds so much to your life, and it's so exciting when you meet someone new, and see eye-to-eye. I remember when I first met one of my closest friends. As a new mum, I didn't know anyone much, and I was bumbling along to various toddler groups, feeling worse and worse about myself, and more lonely. No-one introduced themselves or had anything much to say, and then suddenly there was this kindred spirit. Even our kids got on, and still do. She was such a lifeline, and still is.

You never know where your next friend will turn up, so keep an open mind. We are often too quick to judge other women by their appearance, the behaviour of their kids, their front door: whatever. And gossiping about how one woman treats her children, or is always late for school, or needs her roots doing can become destructive. Women have enough on their plate. We're still not equal in the workplace, we're still viewed as sex objects, and home-makers are essentially invisible in the eyes of society. Let's view each other as potential friends, not enemies.

It's in here somewhere...

2010-03-04T11:45:00.000-08:00

Remember clubbing? When you would manage a whole night out for about £10, kept in a teenytiny purse along with a lipstick (Black Cherry by Rimmel, if I recall), and a housekey.

As the years have gone by and children have appeared, my trusty denim platforms have been consigned to the back of the wardrobe, and, along with my dress size, my handbags have changed somewhat.

No longer do I carry round a cute heart-shaped satin coin purse, or a heavily customised mini rucksack. For where would I store a pack of drying-out wipes, various broken wax crayons, and my son's second favourite dinosaur?

My current handbag is beige cordruoy with a ditzy floral lining. It has to be hardwearing and messenger bag-style - I rarely have enough hands as it is without having to carry a tote. Fairly secure, a little bit cool, especially since my friend customised it with one of her famous and fabulous brooches, but not The Perfect Bag. I fear I will never find said bag, not when it has to accomodate:

a squashed pack of blackcurrant & glycerine pastilles.
three biros
tube of handcream
sequinned bag of "women's things"
diary
plastic pocket full of money-off coupons
my free business cards from Moo
supermarket receipts
a penknife for cutting up fruit in an emergency
three lipsticks
three lipbalms
two lipglosses
two packets of The Snowman paper hankies
a mobile phone
a wallet

Yes, I had a clear-out before writing the above list. No wonder I can never find anything.

Bing! The answer is...the Fizpouch Handbag Organiser! Mine arrived this morning and I think it's going to be a winner. Fitting neatly inside your handbag, with pockets for make-up, purse, mobile, coins etc., the Fizpouch enables you to move the contents of your handbag easily from bag to bag, without losing or forgetting anything in between. So you can move from Glum Mum to Glam Mum of an evening, without leaving your mobile or purse in your day bag by mistake.

Echoing this season's trend for all things safari, it comes in a zebra print, or you can choose from fuschia or turquoise faux snakeskin (probably didn't need the faux there) or a polkadot print. It's 22 x 14cm, so fits neatly inside a typical handbag, and has a magnetic fastener to keep everything secure. The dimensions of the Fizpouch have been carefully calculated to maximise capacity whilst being compact and practical, and the lining of my zebra version (the Lulu) is bright pink which makes it easier to see its contents.

Tipping my handbag upside down on the car bonnet to find my keys? Not anymore. It's £17.95. Maybe drop hints for Mother's Day?

Today's Challenge: Plan the Week

2010-02-28T12:53:00.000-08:00

Every Sunday, I try to start afresh and plan the week ahead. This stops me from forgetting doctor's appointments and nights out (not that the prospect of going out for drinks would ever slip my mind), but it also makes me think about the week's menus. I use a Weekly planner and divide it into "morning/ afternoon/ tea/ evening" Like an Organised Mum, I blu-tak it to the biggest kitchen cupboard at eye level, and update as the week goes on.

There is nothing I dislike more than trying to work out what to cook for tea. I am the type of person who, if I lived alone, would survive on cheese sandwiches and tomato soup. I can never get inspired at a moment's notice, and even if I do have some inkling of a recipe I fancy doing, you can guarantee I'll be out of some significant ingredient like chopped tomatoes or onions. So I would rather save myself the stress of having to conjure up a delightful and healthy meal on the spot every day by planning the week's menu on Sunday night. This way I have time to drag out my collection of recipes torn out of magazines in a moment of domestic optimism or browse through my two staple cookbooks (How to Feed Your Whole Family a Healthy Balanced Diet, with Very Little Money and Hardly Any Time, Even If You Have a Tiny Kitchen, Only Three ... - Unless You Count the Garlic Crusher...- this even has weekly menu plans inside - and Vegetarian Grub on a Grant) and see what I actually have in the cupboards. Vegetarian Grub on a Grant is ideal for those of us whose culinary skills have perhaps not envolved tremendously since student days and who also, don't like cutting up meat. I also have time to go shopping before each Great Cooking Event.

Planning each evening meal in advance means you can spread the wholesomeness through the week, so if one day is not particularly Delia Smith, then you can make up for it another day. Many families have a regular pizza night - ours is Friday - and it's the one night you can guarantee plates will be cleared. Save yourself the stress of trying to come up with a popular, easy-to-cook and healthy dish during "the witching hour" (between 4.30 and 5.30 in the afternoon) and get your week's menus and activities up on your weekly planner. You can buy Weekly planners on amazon or download them off the internet and print them off each week. It might make life just that litle bit easier.

How to save £142

2010-02-26T06:38:00.000-08:00

We only use our television set to watch pre-recorded videos and pre-recorded DVDs. We found out last summer that we therefore don't need a TV Licence. We have made sure that the television and video are not tuned to receive television broadcasts. The equipment is not connected to any aerials.

Having no television does keep you out of the loop, but sometimes that's no bad thing, especially if you, like me, are sick of the Cult of Celebrity, and the news broadcasts make you despair. Even better, no-one in the household sees television adverts, which helps reduce pester power. It also enables us to feel more contented with what we've got rather than being under pressure to buy more.

Don't worry, our kids definitely watch television programmes, but their choice is very much restricted to what I think is appropriate. They aren't totally left out because they still get to see Cbeebies, Disney etc. We often get VHS videos from our local charity shop where they are being sold for 10p each. At that price you can use it like a lending library. Videos and DVDs are often offered on freecycle or can be bought cheaply on amazon or car-boots.

It stops me switching on the telly just to see what's on and then spending a whole evening watching stuff I'm not really interested in and then feeling inadequate because I don''t have the glam lifestyle/ size zero body/ immaculate home that's portrayed as normal on TV.

We do use the BBC iPlayer to watch BBC programmes but only after they have been broadcast - either to download, or via streaming 'on demand'. So we don't watch any programmes at the time of their broadcast. Therefore we do not need a TV licence.

I wrote, with glee, to TV Licensing, accordingly, and they haven't pestered me at all. I was upfront about our plans not to renew the license, rather than letting it lapse and waiting for the infamous nasty letters to arrive. It saved us £142. I am not saying Kill Your Television, but maybe you don't need a TV license either?

The House Fairy

2010-02-25T02:21:00.000-08:00

The House Fairy is a reward system we've been using in our home since my daughter was about 2. Inspired by Fly Lady (another bandwagon I have unfortunately since fallen off), it focuses on the positive and has an element of magic and mystery. As the House Fairy was part of our lives when my son was born, we carried on the system with him, and he accepted it as normal. You may want to tweak it for your children: feel free. This is a long-term reward system to be used until your children grow out of it. As you can see in the photo, DD is pretty keen on dressing up as said House Fairy, and accepts the system as completely normal.If you have a partner it is important that he or she backs you up on this and joins in. Believing in the House Fairy is like believing in the Tooth Fairy. They are, incidentally, sisters.

1. You need a reward chart. Make your own or download one for free. I get mine from Bubhub, or ichild for free. Supernanny is of course famed for her reward chart system. It is important to choose a chart that will be easy enough for your child to fill over a reasonable period of time. Younger toddlers will probably need fewer spaces to be filled so they don't get demotivated. If your child likes art and craft, s/he can make the chart with you or colour it in.

2. You need stickers. Any old stickers. As long as they fit in the spaces. Don't tie yourself down to always buying Disney princess stickers, as you will then ALWAYS have to use them. Vary it. Keep the stickers out of reach.

3. Decide what a sticker is worth. This will change over time. For example, when potty training, every time a child uses the potty they get a sticker for the chart. Or they get a sticker for getting themselves dressed. Or for playing together really nicely with no arguments. Or for sleeping all night without getting out of bed.

What I tend to do is reward the behaviour without them expecting it. I don't say "IF you help put the cutlery away, THEN you will get a sticker for your chart." I tend to say "Oh wow, you helped me really well with the knives and forks. Here is a sticker." Or "You were so sensible when we waited for the ballet lesson to finish. You get a sticker for that." This way, they are not behaving well JUST so they get a reward.

You CANNOT take stickers off the chart. You only give one sticker for a reward. If they get a sticker for doing well at school or nursery, they can bring it home and put it on their chart.

4. When they have a full chart, they take it down off the wall and put it by their bed. Or outside the bedroom door, or in a box outside the front door (if your child doesn't like the idea of fairies coming into the house!).

In the morning, the chart will have been taken away by the House Fairy, and a small present will be left in its place. The kind of things our House Fairy leaves are: a book, hair accessories, a train whistle, stickers, a top, a toy train or car, socks, a notebook, a comic. Nice things but not expensive. I often get them from freecycle or charity shops! Remember you are in this for the long haul so don't set yourself up to buying huge gifts every fortnight.

It is important to ensure that the full chart is securely disposed of and the children don't see you buying things that are later given to them by the House Fairy. The great thing is that because the House Fairy brings the gift, it is nothing to do with you, and the kids can't moan at you that they don't like the present etc.

The House Fairy has been visiting us for about three years now, so if you have any questions, let me know. If you are looking for a long-term sustainable reward system, why not give this one a try? Tell your kids you read about it on the internet and you want to see if it is true!

Today's challenge: Ask for Help

2010-02-24T04:31:00.000-08:00

Do you dare ask for help? Are you brave enough? Do you even know how to ask, or what would actually be helpful?

I didn't.

Despite being diagnosed with PND shortly after my son was born, and clearly needing help, I found it almost impossible to ask for what I wanted. "Is there anything I can do to help?" my mum would ask, and my mind would go blank. "Let me know if you need anything," friends would offer, but I never did.

Often we don't sit down and really think about what we want and need, as we are too busy paying heed to everyone else's requirements. Sometimes visitors think they're being helpful by tackling the pile of ironing or washing up, when what we really want is a break from the kids, not the housework. At least the hoover doesn't answer back!

Sometimes, it is hard to ask directly. We don't want to seem needy, inadequate, nagging. We never seem to be able to find the right moment. Many of us have been brought up that it's rude to say "I want". But if we don't ask for help, how can anyone give us what we need? Men, in particular, are not mind-readers.

So my challenge to my fellow mums is to write a list of ten things that would actually be helpful to you. Think about what people - your partner, your relatives, whoever - can do to make life easier for you. I know you can "manage", but to do more than simply exist and survive you deserve support. And instead of keeping it to yourself, blu-tak it up in the kitchen. Give yourself permission to ask.

Some of the things on my list are:
I need lots of gentle hugs, pats, strokes, cuddles and any gentle physical contact you can. I am a touchy-feely person.
Arrange babysitters in the evenings or at weekends as much as possible, as I find it difficult to ask.
If you are a visitor and want to help, the best thing is for you to take the children out for several hours, or for you to entertain them at home while I can rest or go out.
Arrange to take the children out some times, say Saturday mornings, and suggest I spend the time doing something just for me. A long bath, a massage, a hair appointment or you stay in with the children and encourage me to go out.

You may be surprised at what you actually want help with, and what you really need. Go on: ask for help. And let me know how you get on.

Are your kids fed up with yogurt?

2010-02-24T03:18:00.000-08:00

Mine are. Good for you it may be, but of late yogurt has lost its appeal in our house.

Not wanting to succomb to the usual pressure to buy Finlay the Fire Engine yogurts or Suck-Me-Squeeze-Me Bratz yogurts (okay they don't exist but they're sure to be in the pipeline), I decided to opt for my usual trick of Disguising Food Items. It worked with vegetables (blenders at the ready!), so what could I do to improve yogurt?

This is my answer and it works. Make it out of sight to preserve the mystery. Kids can't believe it when they come to tea at our house and I say "Would you like a yogurt for pudding?" (safe option) and then emerge from the kitchen with this:

1. Get a yogurt your kids normally like. Do not spend a fortune. Buy organic if you feel you need to. I have found French Set yogurts are quite cheap and seem to go down well.

2. Find a nice glass or beaker. I use cocktail glasses (they might as well get some use, they sure ain't being filled with Cosmopolitans on a regular basis). Whatever you feel is safe or you don't mind being knocked over.

3. Break up a biscuit or part of a biscuit into the bottom of the glass. I have used ginger biscuits, shortbread or even boudoir fingers. Just a bit.

4. Top with spoonfuls of yogurt, however much your child is likely to eat.

5. Sprinkle a few chocolate sprinkles on the top.

Voila.